


Desperation cancels the hope of empathy

by cillasstuff



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Jensen, M/M, Mpreg, Pining Jensen, Top Jared Padalecki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-28 23:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cillasstuff/pseuds/cillasstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Falling for your straight best friend? That was the oldest cliché in the book,  however, it didn’t stop Jensen from falling for Jared.  He was prepared to live with having Jared as a friend until catching him with a man. The realization that Jared just didn't want him, sent Jensen over the edge and in a moment of madness he stole a discarded condom from Jared resulting in a pregnancy that would tie the two of them together forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution for this year's spnmpregbb. I’d like to thank laurathelurker for her beta skills. Any mistakes found are my own. I would like to give much love to bt_kady who even though she was going through a rough time, was able to offer suggestions for the story and produce wonderful art. The title is from Sue Miller’s While I was gone.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Jared, Jensen or anyone else mentioned in this story.

****

“Mm mm Jared,” The feminine voice moaned in a loud breathy whisper as Jared obviously pleased her. From where he lay in his bed next door, in a voice that was low, deep and sexy as hell Jensen could hear Jared respond to the request of tonight’s conquest. The voice was too low for him to hear the words, but as he stroked his own dick, Jensen closed his eyes and imagined it to be something dirty as he fucked into her.

Jensen had promised himself that he wouldn’t do this again; listen as Jared had sex with some skank that he picked up at the local bar, club, or perhaps off the street. He tried, but the moment he heard the low murmur from Jared, he couldn’t seem to help himself. Jensen threw away any pride he had once his dick began to leak reacting to the sound of Jared’s voice. Jensen knew that this was the closest that he was ever going to get to having sex with Jared, so he took advantage every chance he got. Each time as he lay alone in his bed with his own come cooling on his stomach he lied to himself and promised that there wouldn’t be a next time.

The problem with keeping said promise was Jared. He had shoulders as wide as a barn, and muscles that Jensen wanted to lick and bite each time he walked through the house half-naked and then there was the fact that Jared was a highly sexual person. Yeah, Jared was sexual and there was always a girl who got off on being with the guy from Supernatural. The straight guy from Supernatural, that is. Jared was like a kid in a candy store and wanted every girl that he saw and got them, whereas Jensen only wanted Jared, so here he was on another lonely Saturday jacking off to the sound of someone else getting what he wanted.

As the girls’ moans became louder and faster, Jensen’s hands moved faster as well, he placed his forearm over his mouth and bit down when he spilled his seed over his hand to muffle the sound of him calling out Jared’s name. He knew that if he could hear Jared he was sure that Jared could hear him and that would be embarrassing.

Another thing that Jensen has learned about Jared by listening through their shared vent was that the man had stamina. Once he had a few minutes rest he would go again and again. The second time, Jensen was right there with him, because hearing Jared moan and whisper made Jensen’s dick twitch and fatten up until he lost the battle he fought with himself and  his hand found its way to his crotch with his thumb working over his head until he came.

In a desperate attempt to get some sleep Jensen put in his ear buds so that he wouldn’t have to hear the next few rounds, but the problem with that was he hadn’t counted on his dreams. He dreamt of Jared’s big body pinning him to the bed, his hands trapped underneath Jared’s and he was held immobile as Jared pounded away at his ass while he moaned and begged Jared to touch his dick that was trapped between their writhing bodies. 

Jared didn’t touch Jensen’s dick, or let go of Jensen’s hands, the large man just pressed his body closer to Jensen’s as he continued to fuck him roughly and let that be the only friction his dick got. Normally, that wouldn’t be enough to get him off, but this was Jensen’s dream and Jared was fucking him so it didn’t take much for him to explode.

Jensen hadn’t planned on the first dream nor did he factor in the second more vivid dream, the one where he was riding Jared’s dick. While he was playing cowboy, Jared took those huge hands and played with Jensen’s sensitive nipples causing Jensen to come so hard in his dream that it woke him up and found that he had come in his sleep like a fourteen-year-old boy.

When he came back from the ensuite bathroom with a warm washcloth to clean himself up, he glanced at his bedside clock and noticed that it was early. Sleepily he crawled back into bed to try to get more sleep, however just as his head hit the pillow, he heard “oh Jared” being moaned through the vent, effectively putting an end to any attempt at sleep.

At the breathy moan, his spent dick tried to twitch and come to life responding to Jared’s answering moans like Pavlov’s dog. Jensen quickly made the decision to go downstairs and start a pot of coffee before he either went blind or grew hair on the palm of his hand from playing with his dick. Enough was enough, tonight he was going to the closest club or bar to find a warm body to tire him out so that he wouldn’t respond to the noises coming from Jared’s bedroom.

From the sounds that he heard before he left his bedroom,  Jensen was pretty sure that Jared and his guest couldn’t hear him, but he tiptoed past Jared’s door just in case. Once downstairs he was greeted by Jared’s dogs Harley and Sadie who had been banned from Jared’s bedroom in lieu of his latest fuck. As Jensen started the coffee maker, he couldn’t help but notice that they looked as dejected as he felt. As he waited for the coffee to brew Jensen gave the canine pair one of the special treats Jared kept for them.  

Once they finished their treat, Jensen walked through the laundry room to the door that led outside to let the dogs out. When he opened the door, he noticed that the sun was slowly coming up peeking through the clouds as though trying to decide whether to come out or to laze back behind the clouds a little longer before showing itself to the world. Jensen smiled because he felt the same way and wondered if that meant it was going to rain, but then he thought they were in Vancouver, of course it was going to rain.

Walking back into the kitchen, he was greeted or slapped in the face by the sight of  a bare chested Jared with his tongue down the throat of the skank, so Jensen  debated should he clear his throat or turn the hose on them, he settled or clearing his throat.

“Oh, Jenny, I didn’t know that you were up already,” Jared muttered as his Texas drawl dripped from his lips onto the previously mentioned skanks. “My little darlin’ here was just telling me goodbye and I was keepin’ her quiet so we wouldn’t wake you while we waited for her taxi.”

Jensen pursed his lips and counted to three before he spoke, because one. He was angry with Jared for calling him Jenny knowing that he hated it and two. That he slept with someone whose name he didn’t know, hence calling her darlin’.

Jensen nodded his greeting to the girl before turning to pour himself a cup of coffee. He knew that he was being rude, but he couldn’t take watching Jared kiss her and besides, it wasn’t as if he was ever going to see this girl again.

“Looks like you forgot your purse darlin’, let me run back upstairs and get it, you stay here and keep Jenny company,” Jared instructed her as he turned to run upstairs.

Jensen grinned because he knew that the purse had been left intentionally and Jared made sure she had it so there wasn’t a reason for her to come back.

As he laughed at the girl, he didn’t notice her scrutiny and until she spoke didn’t realize how much of himself that he’d given away.

“He doesn’t even know that you’re interested,” the girl told him conversationally, “and don’t try to deny that you don’t want him because it shows all over your face every time you look at him.”

“I think that in your mind you’re imagining a relationship to keep yourself from feeling like the dirty little slut that you are, but this is reality and not a rom com and this was just is a one night stand,” Jensen answered in a bored voice.

She laughed and shook her head and taunted, “In my reality, Jared’s good Jensen. He knows how to use his mouth, those big hands, and especially that big …dick. Do you know why you won’t ever have him Jensen? Because you’re too scared to try. Oh, and by the way, I’m not a slut I just went after what I wanted.”

Before Jensen could respond, Jared had made his way back to the kitchen, Darlin’s taxi was blowing his horn, and Jared was ushering her out the door. Even though Jensen knew that he would never see this girl again, her words stuck with him, did he broadcast his feelings for his friend and co-star to everyone. He could kick himself because he was supposed to be an actor, so why couldn’t he act as though he wasn’t in love with Jared?

“You are such a slut,” Jensen accused a grinning Jared when he came back into the kitchen rubbing his bare chest.

“Nah, it’s just that you’re a prude,” the tall man threw back at Jensen, “now tell me again why you came out, because it sure isn’t because of all of the dick you’re getting.”

Jensen ducked his head at Jared’s words, he had come out while he was still on Smallville because he was tired of hiding, he was a Carrier and he didn’t want to end up pregnant accidentally or on purpose after having lived a lie. At the time, he wasn’t serious about anyone, but he was getting more than his fair share, but then he met Jared fucking Padalecki and fell in love with a man who only wanted pretty, petite brunettes and not someone with dick.

“It was time,” he stated. “You think that you can spend what’s left of the weekend without getting your dick wet.”

“I always have time for a pretty little thing like you,” Jared teased. “But if I’m going to celibate the rest of the weekend, you are going to run with me.”

Jensen was thankful that Jared had turned to go upstairs and didn’t get to see the blush at the off-handed compliment. As Jensen ran up the stairs, he was so excited about spending alone time with Jared that it didn’t matter that it was doing something that he hated.

Jared kept his promise and spent the rest of the weekend with Jensen, and it made the older man happy because it had been a while since they had spent this much time together outside of work. He and Jared went to a club and hung out with their friends and there were a couple of times that he thought that Jared was going to be lured away by one of the many girls there who were Jared’s ideal. There were so many girls there that were Jared’s type it seemed to Jensen that Jared had put an ad on Craig’s List and told them all to meet him here.

As Jensen sat in the bar watching as Jared turned down girl after girl in order to keep his promise, and for that, he was thankful. Moments like this reminded him as to why he loved the man so much.  Even though it wasn’t the romantic love Jensen wanted, Jared did love him.

The rest of the weekend went by without incident and Monday morning was here sooner than either of them wanted. While they were both dealing with lack of sleep and brutal hangovers, they had to deal with last minute changes to the script, Jensen suddenly realized something, “The new girl starts today right? The new Ruby.”

“Oh yeah she does, I have scenes with her today, if she’s hot I hope that they keep her around.” Jared smiled at the thought. “Maybe she’ll be around long enough that I can have some fun with her.”

“Don’t be surprised when your dick falls off.” Jensen warned.

Jensen teased his friend but the problem was that before the end of the day, Jared would most likely have her in some dark corner or in his trailer buried balls deep in her, and then Jensen would have to listen to the younger man brag about his latest conquest. After arriving at the studio, the boys headed directly to the show runner and creator Eric Kripke’s office to meet their newest cast mate. Normally they would be in makeup, but she hadn’t been able to make their first read through due to a conflict in her filming schedule, Eric wanted them to meet before filming started.

Both men were sipping on coffee as they waited in Eric’s office, one of the PA’s had gotten from craft services and prepared to their liking. Jensen lowered his lashes and watched Jared as he drank his coffee and wondered if Jared was just talk or if he was going to have to suffer through watching Jared with this unknown woman all week. 

The young actor was professional and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his career, but he was charming and Jensen didn’t want to have to stand on the sidelines as he did with Sandy McCoy. Sandy was Jared’s former petite, brunette girlfriend whose breakup somehow managed to turn him into a manwhore or a more polite version of his douche bag friend, Chad Michael Murray.

When they heard voices coming their way, they behaved as all good southern boys did when a lady entered the room; they stood up once the voices were outside the door Eric entered first followed by Sera, and their new co-worker.

“Guys, I’d like for you to meet Genevieve Cortese, our new Ruby,” Eric said as he made the introductions.

Jared just grinned, putting his dimples out on full display, held out his hand and said, “Well, hello Darlin”

Well fuck! Darlin’ was their new co-star.

 

Dean didn’t have as many scenes with Ruby, so Jensen’s contact with Genevieve was at a minimum, but Jared and Gen- as he was now referring to her, had several and god dam it if Jensen didn’t have to listen to a fucking blow by blow of all of their interactions. He wanted her to be a bitch so that he could have a real reason to dislike her, but she wasn’t so he had to live with the fact that because she had caught Jared’s eye automatically made her the enemy.

By the time Friday rolled around, Jared and **_Gen_** were quite chummy and were often seen together making Jensen feel like an outsider on his own set. The pair were often spotted around the set together and the only time Jensen was able to spend time with Jared was when Genevieve (he refused to call her Gen) was not on set. Jensen was determined that he was not going to spend this Friday  the same as he did the last one, jacking off to the sound of  Jared and **_her_** having sex. It was embarrassing enough that this was what he’d been reduced to, but it would be even more embarrassing facing her over breakfast knowing that she knew how he felt about Jared.

The problem was what he was going to do to keep busy and not think about Jared, and he was at his wits end when his best friend Christian (call me Chris son) Kane called and asked him for the millionth time to meet him in Vegas to catch his show at the House of Blues. This time out of desperation, he took his friend up on his offer knowing that he was going to be grilled at his sudden change of heart, but he’d deal with that later. 

Jensen had a bag packed and in the car that morning as they drove to the studio. Today was Sam heavy so Jensen left the set early in the afternoon and had Clif drive him to the airport to get started on his let’s party Jared out of my mind weekend.

For once, he was on a flight that landed on time, Chris was there to meet him, and he spent the afternoon in sound check and rehearsal with his friend and stood backstage as he watched him perform. He was having a good time so far, but after the show was when the real fun began, and it seemed as though Chris’ new drummer Chet, was going to be a main part of that fun.

Chet had not been a part of Jensen’s plan, because he’d been pining for Jared for so long, Jensen hadn’t dated or hooked up with anyone, for that reason, when his last prescription of birth control ran out, he never bothered to get them refilled. As Chet kept touching him as often as possible he wished he had, but a quick trip to a pharmacy and a purchase of box of condoms took care of that. Once Jensen actually had the condoms in his possession, he wasn’t so sure about sleeping with the man, perhaps he’d take baby steps and give and get a blowjob, before he had sex with someone after his long dry spell.  In the event that it did go further, he was not going to be stupid and let stray jizz anywhere near his birth canal.

 

“You and Chet planning on getting outta here soon to bump uglies, ‘cause I gotta tell you man, I’m gonna throw up if I have to watch you two paw all over each other for much longer,” Chris teased him from across the table.

“Why are you jealous?” Jensen batted his eyes and laughed at his friend. “Sorry dude you had your chance, but you just wanted to be friends.”

“Steve would so kick your ass.”

Taking a swig of his beer, Jensen shook his head and repudiated that statement, “Nah, he wants a piece of this fine ass as well.”

“So everybody wants you huh?” Chris asked.  “You and Chet seem to be hitting it off, but what about Jared?”

“What about Jared?” Jensen tossed the question back to his friend.

“You think that I don’t know how you feel about that boy? That you’d do anything for a chance with him,” Chris looked at Jensen as though he was carefully choosing his next words, “I know how it feels to fall for the straight boy, and I think we’ve all been there, that’s why I tried to talk you out of moving in with Jared.”

“I didn’t think that anyone had noticed,” Jensen expressed his surprise to Chris.

He must have been fooling himself for the past four years because  he thought that no one noticed and now in the space of a week, two people, one he’s known over a decade and the other a week, had told him different. What really bothered him was the fact that not only did they know, but also the both felt sorry for him.

“Four years of pining after someone who hasn’t and probably won’t ever notice you, I think that’s long enough. You’ll never know what’s waiting out there for you if you don’t try Jen,” Chris encouraged. “I’m not sure if you’re just looking to get laid or a relationship, but either way Chet is worth taking a chance on.”

After Chris’s revelation and pep talk, Jensen downed the rest of his beer, went to find Chet, and pulled him onto the dance floor where he non-verbally let the man know that he was going to take him up on his offer. His initial intention was to maybe get a blowjob from the drummer, but after Chris’ revelation, he developed the attitude of fuck it, he would show Chris that if Jared didn’t care, then neither did he. 

After a couple of suggestive dances and a few more beers to loosen his inhibitions, Jensen led Chet off the dance floor and back to his hotel room. The only reason that Jensen gave Chet the time of day was the fact that the man screamed bottom, Jared was the only person he wanted to bottom for, and the way things were with Jared, he didn’t see himself bottoming anytime soon.

By the time Jensen and Chet were in the elevator in the hotel, the travel time and the bright lights had a sobering effect and the beer was wearing off, and suddenly Jensen was nervous. Chet must have noticed the change and leaned in to kiss Jensen. It wasn’t passionate, or dirty, but it was filled with want and had the desired effect, so when the door opened at his floor, Jensen’s dick was back on board.

At this point in the game Jensen should have had his mind on Chet, actually his mind shouldn’t have been what he was thinking with, he supposed this was one of the times that it was okay to think with your dick, but he couldn’t help the comparison  between Chet and Jared. The man whose tongue was now battling his for dominance was short, well shorter than Jensen (fucking everyone was shorter than Jared) he was about five foot ten, maybe a little taller, he had long blonde hair, wiry with brown eyes. Oh, and there were definitely no dimples. He liked dimples.

The harder he fell for Jared, the harder it became for him to hook up with some random guy he met in a club, so it had been over two years since Jensen had been with someone. When he saw Chet checking him out, he thought that this was what he needed to stop fixating on Jared and go after someone who wanted him as more than a friend. Chris was right he had spent too much time pining for someone he’d never have.

In his mind he knew that taking this first step of being with Chet was going to help him get over Jared, but even as he smiled and flirted with the blonde, his heart was telling him that this was wrong.

What his heart wanted was large hands touching him and opening him up. Jensen wanted that large body draped over his own, making him hot both physically and sexually, and the eyes should be hazel, not brown. They should be slanted and lust blown and focusing on Jensen but not really seeing anything, but what he had was Chet.

Jensen had always been satisfied topping, but there was something about Jared that made him want to feel Jared inside him. It was as though to him that was the ultimate, trusting someone enough to take them inside you and be responsible for your pleasure, and your body.

The sex was good, but not mind blowing, but he imagined that it probably wasn’t that great for Chet either, and he couldn’t wait for this to be over and the man to leave, but he didn’t. After Jensen pulled out of him, he tucked himself into Jensen’s side and fell asleep. Jensen had bit his tongue trying not to call out Jared’s name because it wasn’t Chet’s fault that he wasn’t what Jensen wanted, but perhaps if he’d have given in and called the other man’s name, he would be alone and Chet would be gone instead of cuddling up next to him.

 

“You sure as hell don’t look like someone who just got laid,” Chris narrowed his eyes suspiciously, as a bleary-eyed Jensen joined him for breakfast the next morning. “I could have sworn that I saw you leave with Chet last night.”

“You did,” Jensen confirmed knowing that he had to suffer through this or Chris would harp on it all day. He tried to smile and pretend that sex was all he needed, but he just couldn’t muster up the strength for the ruse. He was saving his energy for when he returned to Vancouver and would have to start acting when he saw Jared.

“Okay, you finally got some ass last night and you still look like you lost your best friend and I know that ain’t true because I’m- am I gonna have to get a new drummer, because I’m gonna be pissed, man you have no idea how long it took me to find Chet.”

“Glad to know that I’m your first priority,” Jensen stated sarcastically.

“You are, man, but you have no idea how hard it is to find a drummer to fit in with us,” Chris laughed, “so if you’ve fucked this up I’m gonna tie two drumsticks to your hands and make you drum until your hands bleed.”

Jensen was wary as he hung out with Chris, Steve and the band the next evening, because the way Chet had snuggled up to him last night, Jensen briefly wondered how he was going to explain to Eric that he had to break his contract to spend the rest of his life tethered to a drum set. It turned out better than he had hoped because once the drummer realized that Jensen wasn’t going to give a repeat performance, he cut his losses and turned his attention elsewhere allowing Jensen to relax.

During the course of the weekend, there were other men interested in hooking up with Jensen, but he pretended not to notice or just turn down the advances of those bold enough to approach him. Chris teased him about saving himself, but he understood and helped with the cock blocking.

** ∞∞∞∞∞ **

“Don’t be such a stranger,” Chris demanded as he drove a hung over Jensen to the airport Sunday afternoon. “Even if it means putting up with his giant ass, then bring Jared along because you need to loosen up more often.”

Although he’d never tell the other man, Chris was right, he had made himself scarce and missed his friends because he wanted- no make that needed to be near Jared, but Jensen made up his mind that he wasn’t going to do that any longer. What he said was “fuck you Chris,” and years of friendship had allowed Chris to understand and the longhaired man nodded his head, and responded, “Good.” 

The flight back was the same length of time as the one when he’d flown into Vegas, but to Jensen it seemed longer because he worried about the fact that he hadn’t spoken to Jared since he’d left Friday night by phone or text.  The lack of communication made him wonder if it was because Jared was busy building a relationship with Genevieve or the fact that he felt as though he’d cheated on Jared and the tall man would know as soon as he walked in the door. With all of this going through his mind, his stomach was in knots because he wasn’t sure what he was going to find when he got home.

The taxi ride home gave Jensen time to think about things and the thing weighing heaviest, was that if Chris knew and Genevieve noticed it so fast, was Jared aware that he was in love with him? The more he ran the question through his mind, he concluded, how could Jared not know. They were in each other’s pockets 24/7 and they knew everything about each other that went well beyond knowing what their favorite colors were.

Was Jared’s slut puppy routine his way of telling Jensen to give up, that he was never going to get him?  Perhaps the two of them should really talk because Jensen could reassure his friend that he’s aware that he is the only one with these feeling and Jared doesn’t have to risk getting a STD just to prove a point.

“Hey stranger,” Jared greeted as Jensen made his way into the kitchen for a bottle of water where he found Genevieve sitting on the edge of the counter wearing one of Jared’s t-shirts; judging by her blush, probably nothing else. The difference this time was that she seemed embarrassed to have been caught in a situation that seemed… intimate.

Jensen took in the scene, and suddenly he was struggling to breathe, because the thought of Jared falling for this girl, the one who knew how Jensen felt about his friend became too much and he mumbled a greeting before he made his way upstairs.

“Hey, yourself,” He returned. “I’m tired so I’m just going to turn in.” It was much too early for bed, but it was the first thing that came to his mind.

Jensen had been hiding in his room for a couple of hours, thankful that he hadn’t been subjected to the sounds of the pair fucking, when he received a text from Jared.

**_ Hey, man, pizza and Chinese just arrived; it’s hot and ready, just waiting for you. _ **

He played with the thought of ignoring the text and pretending to be tired, but he knew that Jared would just come and drag him downstairs and force-feed him if he thought it necessary.

When he entered the den where they usually ate their meals, Jensen was greeted by the sight of a fully clothed Genevieve sitting in his spot beside Jared on the sofa with two plates of delicious smelling food on the coffee table in front of them.

“I got your favorites,” Jared advised him as he entered the room. He nodded in response, and despite the mouthwatering aromas making his stomach growl, the only thing he could concentrate on was the way Genevieve leaned into Jared’s side. This was going to be a long evening.

 

This time when Monday rolled around, Jensen knew what to expect as far as Genevieve was concerned, but having the knowledge didn’t make dealing with the sight of the pair cuddling at every turn any easier. The hardest thing was coming up with excuses to stay away from his competition while Jared took every opportunity to bring them together because he wanted them to be friends.

“Hey Jen,” Jared started after he and Genevieve had invaded the spot Jensen had staked out to spend his down time, in between shoots, alone. Jared enjoyed doing that, having them look at him to see which one he was referring to, and grinned as they both stared at him. “I was thinking that we should have a party to introduce Gen around.”

Jensen hated when Jared did things like this,  and it was his fault because he refused to let anyone call him Jenny, but over the years he’d let Jared get away with it because of how he felt about the man, but right here and right now he was tired of it. For some reason it occurred to him that he was never going to have Jared that this man was never going to love him no matter how much he wished for it.

“Jen?” Jared smiled at him to let him know that he was talking to him.

“Oh, I didn’t know who you were addressing,” Jensen snarked.

“Sorry, dude,” Jared apologized with a dimpled smile and continued before popping a handful of gummy bears into his mouth, “I forgot that I have two Jen’s now.”  

As he happily chewed on the candy he didn’t notice that the two Jens both cringed at the thought of being lumped together in what they both knew was the friend category, but at least Genevieve got some benefits and the thought of that angered Jensen even more.

“Okay, what do you say to the two of us introducing her to everyone in Vancouver worth knowing.”

“Jensen, my name is Jensen, not Jen or Jenny,” Jensen suddenly demanded. “Because in case you haven’t noticed I’m not a fucking girl and if you call me by my name then you won’t confuse me with anyone else!”

Jared glared at the man sitting across from him, and suddenly all of the playfulness was gone. “How about this **_Jensen_** ,” he asked rhetorically stressing his friend’s name, “whether you want to or not I’m having a party for my friend and whether you want to participate is up to you. However, in the meantime, you really should know that if you remove that stick from your ass, that will make room for the cock that you so obviously need.”

Jensen watched slack jawed as Jared turned and walked away, practically dragging an equally stunned Geneviève with him. He heard Geneviève tell Jared that it was okay that he called her Gen, as he stood there trying to figure out what just happened.

To say that the atmosphere for the rest of the week was tense, was an understatement and it was made even worse for Jensen since it was a very emotional episode for Sam and Dean. He was praised for nailing the scenes but that was easy to do when Jensen hurt for Jared the same as Dean did for Sam. The biggest difference was that Sam eventually forgave Dean, but the jury’s still out with Jared.

When Saturday arrived and Jared was preparing for his party, Jensen had made many attempts to apologize, but Jared wouldn’t listen, so he let his actions speak for him and helped with the fucking party. He knew that he’d made the right decision because even though his friend wasn’t speaking to him, he was more cordial to him.

Naturally **_she_** arrived before everyone else, after all the party was for her, but just like everything else lately her timing was off and she arrived when Jared was making a beer run, so he just opened the door and let her in.

“Look, I get it you hate me, but believe it or not I don’t even dislike you,” she told him instead of just walking past and let him suffer through the humiliation of throwing a party for the girlfriend of the man that he was in love with. “It’s just that I like Jared, the same as you and I think that we could have something special.”

“Aren’t I being humiliated enough Genevieve? Do you really have to add to it? You’ve already won Jared does this make you feel better?”

“No Jensen it doesn’t. Jared may not be in love with you, but he does love you and the past few days have been just as hard for him as they have for you. The three of us, well you and I, have to figure out a way to do this without hurting Jared.”

“How magnanimous of you,” Jensen sneered.

“There’s no reason to be nasty, Jensen, you cannot be mad at me because Jared chose me over you. You’ve been here all along and he didn’t want you.” She told him, “The truth is if not me there was going to be someone else, just like Sandy before me, because you are not what he’s looking for.”

Jensen knew that she was right, that Jared was never going to turn to him and suddenly profess a big gay love for him, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Jensen had no comeback, mainly because he didn’t trust his voice not to crack with the pain he was feeling, so he turned and went back to setting up for **_her_** party. The guests began to arrive before Jared came back from his beer run forcing Jensen to put on a fake smile as he greeted their friends and introduced them to someone he hated, okay severely disliked but that didn’t make the situation any less awkward. God he wished that Chris was here.

Fifteen minutes after the guests had begun to arrive; Jared finally came back with beer and someone Jensen had not seen in three years, Bud Jameson, his former stunt double from his Smallville days.

“Guess who I ran into,” Jared informed Jensen as though Jensen couldn’t see the man standing right there. “We were in line at the store and I told him how much he looked like my best friend, we started talking and the next thing I knew I was inviting him to the party.”

Pasting on another fake smile, Jensen gave Bud a pat on the shoulder and lied, “It’s good to see you man, I can’t believe how long it’s been. Just grab a beer and mingle and we’ll catch up later.”

As Jensen welcomed Bud, he noticed the small smile that played on Jared’s lips and he smiled his first genuine smile all night because it seemed as though the man wasn’t angry with him any longer; but that lasted until he realized that the smile was for Bud and not him. Jensen sensed that there some something going on between the two men but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Was Jared high? Did he go and smoke something offered to him by a stranger just because he knew Jensen a few years ago? Normally he would bust Jared’s balls for doing something so fucking stupid, but they weren’t normal right now and Jensen wasn’t sure how his reaction would be received. So instead of saying anything, he kept his mouth shut because things seemed to be improving between them and he didn’t want to fuck that up.

An hour into the party, Jensen had had enough, his head hurt and he was tired of trying to figure out the meaning of everything Jared said to him or how he should react. On top of that, he was faking being happy because these were his friends, but if one more person teased him about Genevieve replacing him, he was going to rip someone’s head off.  He’d tried, but now he just had to get out of here. 

Jared was always the tallest person in the room, so he searched him out to let him know that he was going to head upstairs, but the man couldn’t be found anywhere. It was possible that he was on another beer run, but then he didn’t see Genevieve either so he guessed that they had snuck off for some alone time. Giving up on finding Jared, Jensen headed upstairs to sleep off this headache.

In the hallway outside his bedroom, he could have sworn he heard someone inside and that shouldn’t be. Jared’s bedroom was being used for coats and purses, but everyone knew that with the exception of using the bed for a closet, their bedrooms were off limits during parties. Usually everyone obeyed their edict, but the way things have been going lately Jensen shouldn’t be surprised that someone chose tonight to break their rule.

Pushing the door to his bedroom open, Jensen froze at the sight before him, Jared pulling his spent cock out of Bud Jameson’s ass. He really hadn’t thought that this day could have gotten any worse, but as usual, he was proven wrong.

“J-Jensen,” Jared sputtered.

“I don’t feel well,” Jensen cut him off with more composure than he felt, “so could you please finish up here so that I can lie down?’

After he made his announcement, Jensen backed out of the door, giving the men their privacy to dress.

Both men soon emerged from the bedroom in different states of undress, Jensen rushed past them and slammed the door behind him before Jared felt the need to explain or apologize or whatever. 

The smell of sex permeated the room so Jensen stripped the sheets and grabbed a fresh set from the linen closet in the bathroom and deposited the soiled set there until he could take them to the laundry room in the morning.

Once he had the fresh sheets on the bed, he stripped himself down to his boxers, lay down on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. It seemed that his entire world had come crashing down on him. He had spent the past four years knowing that Jared Padalecki wasn’t gay, and had a string of one night stands to prove it, but now suddenly he found out differently. Jared did like dick, so it turned out that it wasn’t that he didn’t like men, it was that he didn’t like Jensen and that realization caused the pain in his head to move down and settle in his chest.

The tears flowed freely as the fact that Jared wasn’t attracted to him hurt worse than him being with Genevieve. It was especially hard when he closed his eyes he could see Jared pulling out of Bud playing in 3-D on the back of his eyelids each time he closed his eyes. In addition to having the visual, he had the smell as it lingered in the air, but of course, part of that could be the used condom Jared had thrown into his trash can.

Rolling off the bed, Jensen reached down, picked up the trashcan containing the offending item, and took it to the bathroom. Once inside the smaller room, Jensen looked at the condom, used and mocking him. Setting the trashcan down, Jensen turned to open the door of the cabinets and pulled out a pair of latex gloves that were left over from some project Jared had been working on and a blade from a razor. Once he had these items, Jensen reached into the receptacle, pulled out the used condom, and placed it on the counter.

It occurred to him that this was the closest to sex he was ever going to have with Jared so he’d settle for this. Pulling off his boxers, Jensen took the blade, made a slit in the condom, and let the contents spill out until his fingers were coated with the still slightly warm contents.  Stepping away from the cabinets, Jensen spread his legs, placed the gloved fingers inside his birth canal, and hoped that did the trick.

Jensen remembers when he was in high school and the jocks and the popular boys had teased the guys that they knew were Carriers and told them that they had pussies and technically, they did. In the years since high school, Jensen had never let anyone fuck him there because that would mean that he was a girl and he wasn’t going to accept that, but here he was putting something there.

High school biology had taught his that the best way for a Carrier to get pregnant was intercourse in his birth canal and Jensen thought that he’d never bear children because he wouldn’t let a man take him there. He’d never let the thought enter his mind until he met Jared, but now here he was placing the sperm that was meant for someone else inside him to have a part of someone who doesn’t want him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It turned out that Jared fucking Bud Jameson caused a bigger rift in their friendship than Jensen imagined. It was so bad that Jensen was looking for a place of his own. The only good thing that came out of their ruined friendship was the fact that Jared and Genevieve were no longer friends, with or without benefits.

Jensen had been looking for a new apartment, and had actually found one, but the deal fell through forcing Jensen to stay put for now as he started his search anew and he wasn’t sure if he had the energy to do that especially since someone else had purchased his second and third choices.

He was sitting at the dining room table that was used for everything but eating with newspapers spread out around him as he prepared to look for a new place to live when Jared enter the room and sat across from him.

“It’s been three months…Jensen, can we talk about it?” Jared pleaded.

“Talk about what Jared?” Jensen queried as he continued to read his paper.

“So that’s how you’re going to play this, Jensen? Okay, I’ll bite; I’m talking about the night of the party, about Bud.”

Jensen didn’t answer he just kept staring at the newspaper, but not seeing any of the words printed there. He wanted to know everything and wanted to know nothing because knowing made it real. Knowing meant that Jared would rather have a stranger he’d just met than Jensen who had been in love with him since the day they met.

He was so busy pretending to read the paper that he didn’t hear Jared move until the paper had been torn from his hands and thrown aside.

“We’re supposed to be friends, Jensen and not only do friends tell each other everything, but they also listen and not sit and judge one another like some uptight emo bitch!” Jared snapped.

“Listen?” Jensen snorted. “I know that you listened when I told you that I was gay and that I was a Carrier, but I don’t recall being given to chance to listen to you telling me that you were gay or bi-sexual or whatever. I listened as you fucked those girls night after night, but trust me I would have remembered had there been a boy in the mix.”

Jensen noticed that Jared’s cheeks turned red just before he lowered his head and mumbled something that he couldn’t understand.

“What was that?” He asked his friend.

“I made sure that the vent was closed when I had guys in the room.” He repeated a little louder, but Jensen still had to strain to catch the words.

“Wait… you knew about the vent?” Jensen asked shocked at the revelation.

“Yeah, I…yeah.” Jared shrugged his shoulders. “You never said anything so I thought that you didn’t mind.”

I did mind, Jensen wanted to scream. I minded because you chose everyone but me and I had to grin and bear it so you wouldn’t know how I felt.

“Wait, so you closed the vent when guys were there, does that mean that you’re ashamed that you’re gay? Does that mean that you’re also ashamed of me?”

“No! No, it’s nothing like that,” Jared, swore. “I was trying to be respectful because I knew that the girls didn’t matter, but to hear me with them and you were always alone…”

“There’s one major flaw in that logic, Jared.”

“What’s that?” Jared asked cautiously.

“You’re a guy and I hear you.” Jensen explained hoping that he kept the longing out of his voice.

Jensen watched Jared’s face as the realization of his words sank in, and he could tell that it never occurred to him. As he continued to look at his clueless friend, he didn’t know whether to laugh at the hilarious face he was making or cry because Jared never saw him that way.

“Jensen, all my old friends know, even my brother and sister, I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, but I apologize if you think I did. I don’t consider myself gay, it’s just sometimes a guy is what I need. I have never had and never would think about having a relationship with a guy.”

Jensen stole a glance at Jared and knew that his friend was being sincere and had laid all of his cards on the table, now it was up to Jensen. Considering what he’d tried to do, conceive a baby in the foulest way possible. It’s he who should be begging, but it’s been three months and there have been no signs of pregnancy, he should put Jared out of his misery because had there been a pregnancy once he explained the conception, he would lose Jared for certain.

“I’ve missed you Jay,” Jensen whispered, “Missed you so fucking much.”

Once he said the words he felt in his bones how true they were and Jared must have sensed the same reaction in him because he could see the tension leave the younger man’s body when he heard Jensen’s words. 

“Me too, man, me too,” Jared nodded his head. “It was that stupid argument about Gen and your name that I’m sure we would have moved past that I- please let’s not go this long without speaking to each other again.”

“Agreed, now let me finish what I was doing before your giant ass interrupted me,” Jensen teased as he picked up the newspaper he’d been reading.

“Hey, Jensen?” Jared called softly.

“Hmm?”

“I know that we aren’t going to live together forever, but please don’t leave just yet and please don’t leave because of that stupid argument.”

He’d been so happy about them repairing the rift in their friendship, Jensen didn’t think about what he’d been doing when he picked the paper up, but hearing the hurt in his friends voice had him moving from where he sat and embracing Jared in a hug.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jensen agreed and folded the paper and put it aside.

Once they were back on set, everyone noticed that the tension between the two friends was gone, and they had the old Jensen and Jared back and they loved it. Even Eric didn’t complain when the pair pranked him.

Even though things were back to normal, it was awkward to work with Genevieve, but Jensen was going to do his damndest to get past his dislike of her. She pitied him because he loved Jared, but how was she going to react when Jared needed some dick? She, like him, had been so sure that Jared was straight, but now Jensen knew differently. Would she leave him or be a thoroughly modern woman and be okay with sharing him.

Like Jared, Jensen had a stunt double, but to make things as seamless as possible, when he believed it to be safe enough, Jensen liked to perform his own stunts and leave his double sit on the sidelines. The stunt they were doing today was a simple one and Jensen’s sure Jared would have laughed at him if he’d have let his double do it. The stunt was simple, jump from four feet and land on an air mattress to break the fall, the stunt didn’t get dangerous until Jensen fainted and fell before the stunt coordinator could put the harness on him. 

∞∞∞∞∞∞

‘Welcome back, Mr. Ackles,” the nurse said with a smile. “It’s good to see you awake, and I have to tell you I’m a little angry that you made us wait a long time to see those pretty green eyes.”

“Now that you know what color they are, may I close them again?” Jensen asked sleepily.

“After you speak with the doctor,” She teased.

“Deal,” Jensen agreed, “but only if you tell me what happened.”

“The doctor will share that with you, now if you promise to stay awake, I’ll go find her.”

After the nurse left, Jensen looked to the corner of the room where a pair of empty chairs sat and it suddenly occurred to him that he was alone; where was Jared. He reasoned that Eric and Kim didn’t want to lose money by closing the set and Jared had to stay behind to finish his scenes until Jensen made it back to the set. He knew that it made sense, but it would have been nice to wake up to a familiar face.

Instead of following the nurse’s instructions, Jensen gave in the sleepiness as his eyes got heavier, and soon he was drifting off to sleep when the sound to the door opening startled him awake. When he glanced towards the door, a worried looking Jared followed both the nurse and a tall redhead that Jensen assumed was the doctor. What did Jared know that has him so worried, had they already told him what was wrong?

“Mr. Ackles,” the red head greeted, “my name is Dr. Simon and I’ll be the one taking care of you during your stay with us.”

“Nice to meet you Dr. Simon, but Mr. Ackles is my dad, I’m Jensen,” he corrected. The entire time he was speaking with the doctor, he kept eying Jared trying to figure out why the man would be so worried that it didn’t occur to him to just ask. “Can you tell me what happened, because the last thing I remembered was trying to put on the harness?”

“If your friend will step outside for a moment, I’ll tell you what landed you here in our lovely B&B.”

“It’s okay, Jared can stay.”

“Well, Jensen what happened is, your blood sugar dropped and you fainted.” The doctor smiled tentatively. “There’s nothing to worry about, because that is a common occurrence during the first trimester. You’re pregnant.”

“Pregnant?” Oh, God he thought as the bottom dropped out of his stomach. He was so sure that he was out of the woods with this. He’d hoped that there was no baby because once he’d gotten past the hurt of learning that Jared liked guys, and he wasn’t one of them, he regretted his actions. Because he’d experienced no symptoms, he thought that he was out of the woods.

Now he and Jared were going to be parents, but he knew that he could never tell his friend because going the past three months without talking to Jared made him know that he never wanted to experience that again. No, Jensen was going to be a dad and if Jared found out, then he would deal with that when the time came.

“Yes, pregnant, judging from the sonogram, about three months,” she frowned before continuing. “If you don’t plan to carry the child to term, then we can make arrangements to terminate.”

“No!” Jensen said as he placed his hand protectively on his stomach.

“Good,” the doctor smiled, “I will give you the name of a local andrologist, or you can go to your own if you have one.”

“I don’t have one here, so yeah,” he told her as he avoided looking at Jared.

“Well, when you’re released tomorrow we will set up an appointment for you,” she informed him.

“Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?” He panicked. “I thought you said everything was okay.” 

“It is, but you’re also a little dehydrated and we want to put you on a saline drip to get you hydrated so that you won’t end up back in here,” she explained, “and no, drinking water won’t do the trick.” She cut him off when he started to protest.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t slip out of here if I have to tie him to the bed,” Jared told the doctor with a smile. 

The doctor took in Jared’s large frame and said, “I think that he will be able to keep you pinned to the bed.”

Jensen felt his cheeks heat up at the doctor’s unintended double entendre and he hoped that they didn’t notice him shudder at the image the doctors word conjured up.

“Do you have any more questions for me?” She asked as she and the nurse walked towards the door.

“Other than when can I go home, no.”

“If the drip does its job, then tomorrow, if not then we’ll play it by ear. That’s the best I can tell you.”

The doctor had been gone for about five minutes before Jared spoke, “A baby.” He finally said. Suddenly, he stood up and walked towards the bed and demanded, “What the hell are you going to do with a baby Jensen?”

“Same as anyone else, have it and love it,” Jensen shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s a really fucking sweet answer, so let me rephrase that, what is Dean Winchester going to do with a baby?” he asked through clinched teeth.

“I guess that will be left up to Eric and Sera, but Jensen Ackles is having his baby. I’m sorry if this is upsetting you then please leave so that you don’t have to deal with it.”

This was going worse that Jensen had imagined. His scenario had Jared upset when he found out that he was the baby’s father, but he hadn’t planned on Jared being upset because of the baby itself.

“I’m. I’m sorry Jensen,” Jared apologized half-heartedly.

“We’ve been friends long enough for me to know when you’re lying, and I know that you’re lying. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours Jared.”

While Jared visibly fought to choose his words, Jensen said. “You know what, just go and I’ll deal with Eric and Sera, but hopefully by then you’ll be able to tell me what’s wrong.”

Jared stared at Jensen for a few seconds before turning to walk away. Jensen was shocked at Jared’s reaction because he’d always thought that Jared loved kids. He’d witnessed him over the years playing with the kids in his family as well as Jensen’s nephews, and there had never been an indication that Jared didn’t like kids, unless…perhaps it was because Jensen was a carrier.

When he’d first revealed to Jared that he was a Carrier, his friend had been supportive, but was that just a lie? When he told Jensen that he was okay with him being a Carrier, was that in theory only and when he was presented with the reality of knowing one he couldn’t hide his disgust?

The next morning Dr. Simon was pleased that the saline had done its job and Jensen was sufficiently hydrated. She happily released him with the caveat that he took a day to rest before he returned to work. Pleased to have been released, Jensen couldn’t wait to leave, so instead of calling Jared, he called Clif and asked him to drive him to the set because he needed to talk to Eric and Sera because their reaction would influence any decision he made.

When he arrived on set, it was his intention to avoid Jared until Clif informed him that the other man wasn’t on set, he was on location so all his stealthiness was for naught. When he reached Eric’s office, Eric, Sera and Kim were waiting for him. As he walked into the office, he felt as nervous as he had four years ago when he auditioned for the part.

Walking into the lion’s den, he sat across from the three people who held the power to change his life in their hands. As if he wasn’t nervous enough he had to wait for Eric to complete a phone call while Sera and Kim were making changes to a script.

“So Jensen, that was the insurance company,” Eric revealed the nature of the call. “It seems that you’re not supposed to be here today.”

“Yeah, I am supposed to take the day to rest but I needed to talk to you guys before I come back tomorrow.”

“They didn’t reveal to me why you were in the hospital, only they you were being released and would be ready for work tomorrow.”

He didn’t have to tell them yet, but it would only hurt him in the end and he could do things that might harm the baby, so before he chickened out be blurted, “I’m pregnant.”

“Well, that’s a game changer,” Kim laughed. “And that means that we’re going to have some long nights making script changes.”

“How far along are you?” Sera asked and she pulled out her computer and began tapping on the keys. Was she making script changes already? If so, he desperately hoped it wasn’t to kill Dean off.

“Three months.” He answered.

“Three months,” Kim repeated in a voice that told Jensen that he was talking to himself. “We have three more months of filming, with some skilled rewriting and help from wardrobe, we can pull this off.

“So you’re not going to kill Dean off?” Jensen asked and the relief could be heard in his voice.

“Why would we want to do that?” Sera shook her head and smiled. “When we say that we’re family that doesn’t mean just in good times, we’re just going to have to figure out how to make this work because we don’t want a pregnant Dean.”

“I totally agree Sera,” Eric interjected, “but as the father of this family, you have to do as I say. That means that if at any time we think that something is too risky, then I will bar you from doing it, no arguments and no backtalk.”

“That’s reasonable, Eric,” Jensen agreed with a nod. “I promise that you won’t get an argument from me.”

“Good, good,” Eric smiled.

“So, how do you and Jared plan to make the announcement?” Sera asked, “Do you plan to announce it at one of the Cons?” 

“Why would Jared have a say about my announcing my pregnancy?” Jensen asked in a voice that went a little higher than he would have liked.

“Oh,” Sera said her cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. “I just thought…”

“No,” Jensen denied as he shook his head.

When he left the set, he thought about Sera’s question about Jared being the father, boy he was shit at hiding his emotions about the man. It’s a wonder he got acting jobs if he was that bad. There was one thing he was sure about though and that was the fact that Dean couldn’t be pregnant ergo Jensen couldn’t either. There were enough people, who were still squeamish about Carriers and their prejudice could hurt the show so he was not going to let his selfishness put everyone out of work. 

Jensen knew that he was supposed to be resting and technically, he was, but the calls he needed to make weren’t going to make themselves. He’d faced Eric, Sera and Kim, now it was time to call his parents. He chickened out and called his agent and publicist instead. He made it clear that he wasn’t going to announce his pregnancy, but they prepared just in case it was leaked.

One of the first things he needed to do was cancel his plans for the Cons over the summer. He knew that the fans would be disappointed, but even if he wasn’t trying to hide the pregnancy, he would no longer be able to fly. The baby would be born just before shooting started again and if he watched his diet, it wouldn’t take him long to get back into shape to be Dean Winchester of old.

He had put it for as long as he could, and if he waited it was possible that he’d be in labor before telling his parents about the baby. After a dramatic exhale, Jensen picked flipped open his phone and called his parents.

“Hey, mom,” he greeted Donna Ackles when she answered.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure a phone call from my son in the middle of the day?” She teased. “Jensen, there’s nothing wrong is there?”

“No, not…wrong. How do you do that, how do you know when I have something to tell you?”

“It’s a parent thing, now stop trying to change the subject and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Is dad around?” Jensen asked. “Because I really only want to have this conversation once.”

“No, he’s out and won’t be back until later this afternoon, but if you think that I’m going to wait until he comes home then you’ve got another think coming.”

To say the actual words to her was harder than he thought it would be. He’d had his practice run earlier that day, but this was real family and the words kept getting stuck in his throat.

“Jensen!” his mom snapped.

“I’m pregnant, mama,” he half whispered.

“Pregnant?” She repeated. “Does that mean that you and Jared finally…”

“No mom,” he interrupted, “Jared and I…just no.”

“Who is the father and when will we get to meet him?” Donna asked. “I’m so excited you were always the quiet one, Jensen. I didn’t even know that you were in a relationship. Are you getting married?” She shot at him, not taking a breath in between to let Jensen answer.

“Mom, I’m not getting married; I’m not even with the father so you probably won’t get a chance to meet him. I’ll be raising it on my own.”

“Oh, baby,” she replied and he could hear the disappointment in her voice and it made him wonder that once she was over her excitement over becoming a grandmother, would she hate him. Right now, he’d just settle for disappointment because if she ever learned the truth, she probably wouldn’t speak to him again.

“Mama I’m fine,” he assured her. “I’m not the only single parent in the world; others have done it and survived so will I.

“I know that son, it’s just that you’re my baby and I worry, that’s all.”

“Are you disappointed?” he held his breath as he waited for her answer.

“I would prefer that if you aren’t married then at least be in a loving relationship, but I’ll love you not matter what, and I’m not disappointed.”

He and his mom talked for a while longer as she made plans for a visit to Vancouver to make sure that he was taking care of himself. He explained to her that he was taking care of himself and that he’d made the decision not to go public as he had about his sexuality because he didn’t want his pregnancy to affect the show. She thought that was a great idea, but she was still full of questions, like did he have any cravings yet, how was his morning sickness. She laughed when he told her that he hadn’t experienced any of that yet, and told him that he would.

After he talked to his mother, Jensen realized that he was tired and stretched out on the sofa for a nap and didn’t wake until four hours later. When he woke, he was covered with a blanket and had a pillow from his bed. He knew that he hadn’t gotten the pillow because if he’d gone into his bedroom, then he’d still be stretched out on his bed. Jared.

Standing up and stretching his body, he walked towards the kitchen where he smelled something delicious and heard voices. It seemed that Jared brought a guest home, and when he entered the other room, he saw Jared feeding one of the new PA’s who was true to Jared’s type. 

“Jensen,” Jared said when he noticed his friend standing in the doorway, “This is Candy,” he introduced the girl and stood up to his full height as though he dared Jensen to protest her being there.

“Hi Candy,” Jensen replied as he made his way to the fridge to get something to drink. As he leaned into the cool air, Jensen thought to himself, did Eric or Sera place an order for petite brunettes just for Jared because they seemed to be coming out of the woodwork.

 

“Hey” she returned shyly. “I didn’t get to meet you today when you were on set, so I’m glad to finally get to say hello.”

“Yeah, we finished everything we could without you, so it’ll be a long day tomorrow. Wait a minute, you were on set today?’ Jared probed. “Didn’t the doctor tell you to rest, not to work?”

“Slow your roll, Jared; I was just there to talk to Eric, Sera and Kim.” Jensen guaranteed him. “You’re home early; I mean it’s barely dark outside.”

“You need to eat something, I ordered from that Italian place that you like so much, but I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for so I ordered you a salad and some pasta.”

Jensen looked at the offerings and reached for the salad, “I think I’ll have the salad for now, because I don’t think my stomach can handle anything heavy right now.”

“We’re gonna head upstairs, so see you later,” Jared told him but didn’t bother to wait for a response.

Jensen watched as the two of the left the kitchen, leaving him alone. Even though Jared ordered him food, he still seemed standoffish to Jensen, maybe a little angry even. As he clutched the salad Jared so thoughtfully ordered for him he would have been happy if wasn’t for the fact that he was going to have to listen all night as Jared fucked Candy.

Having slept the entire afternoon, Jensen was sure that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep once it was time for him to go to bed, but he was surprised when he started yawning and fighting sleep. Once in bed, he heard a moan from the vent above his bed and reached for his iPod because there was no way he was listening to that tonight.

The music helped block out the actual sounds of Jared and Candy having sex, but because he knew that she was there Jensen managed to imagine the sounds and could hear them, especially Jared, and the music was background noise. He was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but he couldn’t because his aching dick wouldn’t let him. Eventually he stopped fighting it and pulled his boxers down, tucked them under his balls and fucked his hand until he came. Once he cleaned himself up, he drifted off to sleep until his salad decided to make reappearance.

While Jared spent his evening hugging the PA, Jensen spent his hugging the toilet. He threw up what was left in in stomach until there was nothing but bile, but apparently, that didn’t want to stay down either. By the time the vomiting stopped, he managed to sleep or an hour before it was time to get up. He felt like hell, but he managed to stumble downstairs where Jared and Candy were waiting.

Once they arrived on set, Jensen immediately called for the doctor because he knew that if he kept throwing up at this rate he was going to end up back in the hospital and he didn’t want that, especially as they were already behind because of him. The doctor advised dry toast and ginger ale to settle his stomach, and Gatorade to help replenish his electrolytes, and despite his disbelief, it worked.

When he arrived on set thirty minutes later, he was embarrassed to find that everyone was waiting for him, but although the crew didn’t know the specifics, understood that it was a medical problem and were forgiving. Everyone, that is except Jared. As they took their marks, Jared leaned in and whispered, “So you’re going to use this pregnancy as an excuse to act like a prima donna huh?”

“I was sick Jared, but if you have a problem with that then please take it up with the doctor, or better yet Kim.” 

That exchange threw Jensen because he was used to his friend worrying about him, not making accusations that not even on his grumpiest day would prove true. He knew that Jared wasn’t happy about him being pregnant, but was this going to be the thing to ruin their friendship.

The day took twice as long for them to get the coverage because if Jensen wasn’t being sick, then Kim was forcing him to take a break and get some rest. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t argue because that would break the promise he made to Eric so he endured Jared’s glares and rested when Kim demanded him to do so.

During their lunch break, one of the PA’s brought new scripts to his trailer that had cut Jensen out of the next scenes allowing him rest for a couple of hours while the rest of the crew worked making Jared angrier.

When they arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, Jensen mumbled goodnight to Jared and turned to make his way upstairs when Jared stopped him by asking, “How can you be tired when you’ve slept all day?”

“Can we not do this Jay? Can you please save your sarcasm for a time when I’m feeling better and can fight back?” Jensen responded in a tired voice before taking the stairs two at a time, missing Jared’s apology.

Because of the limitations set by Eric, the week was long and demanding but somehow they managed to get through it. The biggest help was the script changes that wrote him out of several of the scenes and they’re going to give the new guy, Misha more screen time to help him get through the next three months.

As he lay in the bed he thought about how this past week had gone, he could see the same things happening between him and Jared and he didn’t know how to stop this new rift that was widening between them. The only thing Jensen could think of that was different was that he was now pregnant and had told Jared. How was he going to cope with his friend hating him for something he had no control over? He was still awake when Jared came home trying to figure how to repair their friendship when he heard giggles and he reached for his headphones, because it was going to be a long night.

The next morning as he was fixing toast he was startled by a half-naked twink with dirty blonde hair who came strolling into the kitchen. Just as the man came in a wave of nausea hit him and he was headed for the bathroom. He was on his way back to the kitchen to apologize to the twink when he heard him talking to Jared.

“How come you didn’t tell me your roomie was a dick?” he heard the twink ask as he walked back into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what his problem is, but just ignore him,” Jared encouraged his friend. “Maybe he’s jealous that I have something as hot as you to wake up to while…”

The rest of the sentence was cut off so Jensen didn’t get to hear everything Jared was saying, but there was no way that he was going back in there because he was mad as hell at the thought of being the butt of their joke.

Jensen hung out in his room until he heard the boy leave a few hours later. The entire time he was in the room he was throwing up and he wanted to get some toast and some Gatorade as soon as possible to settle his stomach. He had a doctor’s appointment Monday morning and he hoped like hell that he could get something to ease this nausea.

As he walked into the kitchen, Jared was leaned up against the counter with his legs crossed eating peanut butter directly from the jar, and the smell had his stomach rolling. He quickly threw a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and opened the refrigerator for his last bottle of Gatorade, but it was gone.

“Jared, where’s my Gatorade?” He asked.

“Yeah, I gave it to John,” Jared answered not looking up from his jar of peanut butter.

“I wish that you hadn’t, I bought that so I could have it this morning.”

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t confer with you before I gave away the only bottle of Gatorade in existence,” Jared snapped before he placed the lid on the jar and reached into his pockets and pulled out a handful of change and slammed it on the counter. Before storming out of the room he said, “There, that’s more than enough to replace your precious drink!” 

Jensen stood rooted to the spot as he watched Jared retreating back and wondered what was it he said this time that caused such a violent reaction.


	3. Chapter 3

 

They spent the rest of the weekend avoiding each other, or rather, Jared avoided Jensen and later that night Jensen loaded up a Bruce Wills movie to watch, hoping his friend would join him, only to see that he was dressed and ready to go out. Jensen turned the movie on so that he would have some noise as he watched the movie with Jared’s dogs at his feet.

When Jared returned later, Jensen woke from where he’d fallen asleep on the sofa to see Jared enter the house with someone he’d picked up at the club or bar where he’d spent the evening. As Jensen got a glimpse at the young boy, he thought that Jared had a type when it came to men as well. Where he liked his women short and dark, he liked his men tall and blonde. As he watched the pair go up the stairs, Jensen died a little because he noticed that the last two hookups were men. It felt as though Jared was rubbing it in his face that Jensen wasn’t what he wanted.

He missed his doctor’s appointment on Monday because of a filming conflict, but after noticing Jensen being sick, the set doctor prescribed Zofran to alleviate the nausea but it didn’t get rid of it completely. It eased up enough for Jensen to get through his scenes faster, but it seemed that Jared was still angry that he had to take even one break.

It seemed that the medication only worked for a little while before the nausea was back in full force, hitting him harder and faster and leaving him so weak that he and Misha had to film one of their scenes sitting on a park bench just so he could get through it.

It seemed that each time he had a scene with the dark haired actor, Jensen threw up and the last scene Misha had to help Jensen back to his trailer to lie down. Once inside the trailer, Misha went to the small bathroom and got a cool washcloth to wash Jensen’s face, and before he walked back into the room, Jared burst inside.

“You do know that he’s married right?” he accused his friend. “I never thought that you’d be a home wrecker, but then I’ve had a lot of things wrong as far as you’re concerned.”

“Before you stick that enormous foot any further in your mouth, you really should know that I’m just helping a sick friend, which is more than I could say about you.” Misha said as he walked towards Jensen. “You know when I took this gig, everyone was telling me how great it would be to work with you two, about how close the two of you are, but I haven’t seen any of that so I hope that the two of you will soon get your shit together.”

“’M sorry Misha, but thanks for helping me,” a pale and washed out Jensen apologized.

“Not a problem,” Misha accepted before walking past Jared and out the door.

Jensen lay on the sofa with his arm over his eyes, he knew that this time that he wasn’t going to be able to avoid the conversation, but he really didn’t want to hear Jared tell him that they couldn’t be friends anymore. For a moment, he entertained the thought that Jared had been jealous of Misha, but that was his hormone fed imagination.

“Look Jared let’s just get this over with, I get it, it’s one thing to be friends with a Carrier, but it’s another thing to be friends with a pregnant, Carrier. As soon as I’m well, I’ll find another place to live.”

“That’s always your answer, isn’t it? To run, that is.” Jared scoffed. “I accepted it when you told me that you’re a Carrier, and that meant accepting pregnancy along with it because that’s the whole point isn’t it?”

 

“Then I don’t get it, why are you so mad at me?” Jensen demanded as he sat up on the couch. “Ever since I told you I was pregnant, you’ve treated me like a leper, so if it’s not the baby, then what?”

“Do you really think that I’m that shallow? Perhaps I’m not expressing myself but I’m so fucking angry with you because…look I understand that it’s been a long time since you were in a relationship or got laid even, but how could you be so careless. I don’t understand how you would allow someone to fuck you bareback. I’m just happy that a baby is all you ended up with.”

“You’re judging me? You bring people home and call them darlin’ because it’s easier than learning their names and you…” 

Jensen was so angry that he was shaking. Jared had known him for years and for his best friend to think that he would be so careless as to have unprotected sex. “And Jared just for the record, I’m not running away, I’m just vacating the place where I’m not wanted. We went over this last week Jared, you said that we would talk about our problems, but you don’t seem to want to do that.”

“You’re always welcome at my home Jensen,” Jared softly responded. “It’s just that I know that you haven’t been seeing anyone, and now you turn up pregnant and that scared me. When I think that I could lose you because of sex…”

Jared’s concern deflated Jensen’s anger. Of course Jared would be concerned about him and what else was he supposed to think? Jensen did something stupid and he never thought about the far-reaching repercussions. Even if Jared didn’t feel the same as Jensen did, they were still friends.

 

“I’m not in a relationship with any one, when I was in Vegas visiting Chris, his new drummer and I kind of hit it off and one thing lead to another.” Jensen began to explain. “That’s all, but Jared we can’t keep doing this, it’s too stressful. If you’re truly my friend then you’ll talk to me, not go off like some jealous boyfriend.”

Jared nodded his head, “Done, but please understand that I want you in my life and I want to be the cool Uncle to that kid you’re growing. It’s just that I was so mad at the thought of you leaving yourself vulnerable like that. I just kept picturing myself losing you over carelessness.”

“I wasn’t careless, Jared. I knew exactly what I was doing when this baby was created, but it’s nice to know that you care.”

 

Jared walked over to Jensen and gave him a hug, “Glad that we got that settled, but since we’re at work and you can’t drink, how about we go to craft services and get a bite to eat?”

Jensen’s stomach rolled at the thought of food, “Not now because I really don’t feel so good, and besides, Kim would kill me if I don’t rest right now.”

After their conversation, things were better between the two men and it seemed that suddenly Jared was paying more attention to Jensen and once he realized why he had to take extra breaks, he helped with the policing to make sure that Jensen got the rest he needed.

 

Today was one of Jensen’s good days and the nausea wasn’t so bad, but he did want to throw up when he saw that he had scenes with Genevieve. When he walked onto the set, this was the first time she had seen him since he began to show and she stared at his distended belly and realized the rumor she’d heard on the set was true, that he was pregnant.

“Wow, I want him badly, but I’m not sure if I want to go that route to make Jared mine,” she said in awe.

“Neither did I,” Jensen replied. Technically he wasn’t lying. He didn’t get pregnant with Jared’s child to trap him, he became pregnant to always have a part of the man forever, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, you just got caught then huh? I guess he finally realized that you wanted him and took advantage because you’re that best of both worlds. You’re both pretty and handsome, and you’ve got both a dick and a pussy.”

“Wait…what? You knew about the guys?” Jensen was going to respond to her little quip, but he was too shocked to pretend otherwise.

“Yeah, I did,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I thought that you did as well, I mean I’ve seen the guys that he hooks up with so you must’ve seen them too. At least I thought you did, but now I see that both of you are fucking clueless. This will be fun watching the pair of you trying to figure it out.”

Kim called for them to take their marks, so he didn’t respond, but then he really didn’t want to, what he wanted was to get these scenes over with to get away from Genevieve. He knew that he was being petty and jealous, but if anyone ever called him on it, he could take advantage and blame it on hormones. 

They didn’t need many takes, and the scenes were over quickly and they were now free for two weeks for hiatus. Jared and the rest of the American crew were headed stateside, but Jensen was going to stay in Vancouver and then going to Washington to find an apartment and check out the hospital there. 

He wanted something in Washington and not Vancouver because it was far away from the prying eyes and telephoto lenses in Los Angles and Dallas, but close to Chris who was filming in Oregon.

Early the next morning, his realtor called him and advised him that she had several places for him to look at and he was eager because there was the possibility of getting this out of the way sooner than he’d anticipated. As he left to meet her, Jensen decided that he wasn’t going to be picky and choose the first place that met his needs because after all, this place was only temporary.

“So you’re just going to move out without telling me, huh?” Jared’s voice interrupted Jensen’s thoughts.

“I’m not moving Jared, but this summer while you’re back in L.A. and San Antonio visiting family and friends, I’m staying here, or rather in Washington until the baby’s born.” Jensen explained.

“Don’t you want to see your family and friends?” 

“I do, Jared, I do, but you and I both know that there are a lot of people who will call for my head if they find out that I’m pregnant and it could compromise everything we’ve worked for. So I stay there away from the spotlight and have the baby and then be ready when we start back filming.”

As Jensen explained his plans to Jared, the plans sounded hollow to his ears. He knew that this was what he needed to do, but something sounded off about them.

“But Jensen, you’ll be up here all alone,” Jared said.

“I’ll be fine,” Jensen assured him, but that was the thing that didn’t sound so good to Jensen. Even though he’d arranged for his mom to join him and Chris would be nearby, he was for the most part going to be alone. He’d get through it though. All Jensen had to do was put on his big boy pants and suffer through a few months alone.

“Yeah, but it seems that you’re putting in all of the work and the bastard that knocked you up is getting off Scott free. He should be here helping you through this rough time of your life.”

“He’s not a bastard Jared, he just doesn’t know, so if anyone’s at fault here, it’s me.”

Jensen was going to argue that he had been taking care of himself for a while now when his stomach decided to make a liar out of him and he had to run to find the nearest toilet to hug. As he sat on the floor, telling himself that he could do this on his own, Jared came into the room with a cool washcloth and he thought that maybe he was wrong, because it felt wonderful to have someone caring for him.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked his friend.

“Yeah,” Jensen rasped, “I just hope that this part of the pregnancy will be over soon.”

“Is this why you’ve lost weight?”

Jensen nodded his head in surprise because not only had he adopted Dean’s wardrobe of layered clothing, but also Jared had been avoiding him as of late, he was surprised that the younger man had noticed. 

“Yeah, I can’t seem to keep anything down and the medicine that doctor prescribed isn’t working. Hey, Jared, when are you leaving for L.A?” Jensen asked his friend

“In a couple of days why?”

“Well if you don’t have anything planned, why don’t you come to Washington with me, help me find an apartment and then you can fly out from there?”

When Jared hesitated he was going to rescind the offer, but Jared grinned and said, “Okay, this way I know you’ll be safe.”

It took him two day to find an apartment that Jared was happy with, because Jensen would have settled on the third apartment they looked at simply because the bathroom was near the front door; unfortunately, for him Jared had higher standards than that.

Jared didn’t purchase his airline ticket until he was satisfied that Jensen was settled into his four bedroom, three bath fully furnished apartment. Once Jensen was resting after the marathon of apartment hunting and shopping for personal items to leave in the apartment, he bid Jared goodbye only for him to return an hour later laden with bags of food, Gatorade and a six-pack of beer so that Jensen wouldn’t have to do that later.

“The beer is for later, but don’t you dare touch it.” Jared grinned when Jensen shot him a questioning look.

“Are you trying to tempt me, Jared seeing if I’ll drink it?” Jensen teased.

“Beer isn’t what I’d tempt you with,” Jared mumbled.

Once Jared was gone, Jensen settled into a wonderful nap when he was awakened a couple of hours later to the sound of the doorbell ringing. The only person who knew where he was Jared and he was supposed to be in the air right now. What had he decided that Jensen needed now?

Flinging the door open, Jensen snapped, “Jared…” but closed his mouth when he saw Chris Kane standing there.

“I told you that I didn’t want to have to get a new drummer,” Chris growled and he brushed past Jensen and made his way inside the apartment.

“Well, hello to you too Chris,” Jensen greeted as he closed the door before he followed the man inside.

“So, tell me Jensen, was this kid going to be in college before you told me about him?” blue eyes accused.

“No, just middle school, I just wanted to give you time to replace your drummer first. Of course I was going to tell you.”

“Jensen, what the hell man?” Chris asked shock and hurt warring for dominance on his face.

“I really was going to tell you, it’s just that I needed to tell you how it happened and I…” Jensen cut off knowing that he had to tell his friend if only to get his sage advice on what to do.

“Oh, I know how it happened, I just thought that Chet was a bottom,” Chris laughed.

“He is, and the baby’s not his,” Jensen snapped suddenly irritated with Chris.

“Then who?” Chris asked. “Because Jared called me angry that Chet wasn’t helping you. I gotta tell you Jensen, when you decide to do something you don’t fuck around do you?”

“Jared,” Jensen admitted. “But it’s complicated.”

“Okay now I’m really confused because unless I was drunker than I thought and totally misunderstood the conversation, when Jared threatened to castrate Chet, I was sure that meant the he thought my drummer’s the daddy. You know what, before you go into your complicated explanation, I need a beer.”

“Oh, so that explains why Jared bought a pregnant man beer, he knew you were coming,” Jensen speculated as he walked to retrieve his friend a beer.

Taking the beer, Chris removed the cap and drank, before asking, “Now, you say it’s Jared’s and Jared swears that Chet is the father, are we going to need Maury to determine who the father really is?”

“Trust me, I know who it is and it’s not Chet,” Jensen assured his friend as he ducked his head because he felt his cheeks turn red with embarrassment.

Chris wasn’t a priest, but he was someone whom Jensen could finally confess what he’d done. Even though Jensen’s actions were appalling, he knew that his friend wouldn’t judge him; however, even with that knowledge, it was still hard to own up to what he’d done. He was pretty sure about how Chris would react, but if he was disgusted by what he’d done, once he spoke the words, he couldn’t take them back.

That thought alone made it harder because his friendship with Chris goes back to Jensen’s early days in L.A. when he was new in town and trying to get noticed, so he didn’t know what he would do if his longtime friend would sever their friendship. As he watched Chris take another swig of his beer, Jensen had never wanted a drink so badly in his life.

“I-I stole Jared’s sperm,” Jensen quickly confessed.

“I don’t think that it’s stealing when he’s giving it to you,” Chris laughed lasciviously. “Pun intended.”

“No, you don’t understand, after I saw him having sex in my bed with someone I used to work with,” Jensen began to explain as he closed his eyes at the remembered hurt. “I was so angry because I realized that he didn’t want me because he wasn’t attracted to me, not because I was a man and it hurt, so I took the condom he threw away and…”

Running his hand down his face, Chris stopped him and said, “I do not need a blow by blow. What the hell were you thinking man?”

“I wasn’t, I was just mad and hurt that…oh god, Chris, what am I gonna do?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, but I believe that you know what you have to do here, you’ve got to tell him. Do you want him to be a part of the child’s life?”

“You know when I did this it was just going to be with the baby and Jared never knowing, and I’d always have this part of him but even when we weren’t speaking to one another, I knew that I couldn’t cheat him out of knowing that he’s a dad. These last few weeks he’s been taking care of me and has been so wonderful that I know that I can’t keep this child from him.”

“Let me ask you this, I know that I don’t know him as well as you do, but I thought that the guy was straight, since when is he into guys?”

“He’s not apparently, except when he needs a dick.”

“Well, then. Look, you don’t really need me to tell you that you’ve fucked up, but you do need to tell Jared now, before the baby’s born. He’s going to be angry, hell I’m angry for him, but Jen you can’t put this off any longer.”

“He…God, Chris he’ll never forgive me for this will he?”

“I’ve always thought that there was nothing you could do to make Jared hate you, but this time it looks like I may be wrong.”

The two men talked for hours eventually changing the subject, but it was never really far from either man’s thoughts, and hung over them like the proverbial black cloud.

When it was time for Chris to leave, he stared at his friend and said, “Jensen if you ever decide to do something this stupid again, please confide in someone else, because I can’t handle this.”

After hiatus, Jensen was back in Vancouver and he’d promised himself during his drive that he was going to tell Jared the truth, but each time he garnered the nerve to tell his friend, something came up. He kept telling himself, tomorrow, I’ll tell him tomorrow; however, each new tomorrow found him just as scared as the day before.

The thing that kept him from telling him was, well, Jared himself. A month after hiatus, the hookups had all but stopped, during the past week, his friend had only had one person in the house, but when Jared noticed that the man’s presence, made Jensen uncomfortable, he didn’t even get to stay the night.

 

“Okay, Jensen, it’s a wrap,” Kim called out. “Clif will be here in about thirty minutes to take you to your doctor’s appointment.”

Jensen was glad that they were able to get the scene finished in just a few takes, because he needed to go to his trailer to take a quick shower to wash off the sweat and the makeup. Ten minutes later when he emerged from the shower holding a towel around what used to be his waist because he never knew when Jared would burst in and he didn’t want the man to see his fat, misshapen body. Jensen quickly walked over to the wardrobe for a pair of clean boxers that he’d barely pulled on when he heard a deep inhale. Jared.

“You’re huge,” Jared exclaimed as he stared at his friend’s body.

“Gee, thanks,” Jensen snarked he tried to figure out how to hide his exposed body from his friends roaming eyes, until he could get dressed. He wanted to hide his belly as well as the newly emerging breasts. Realizing that there was no way to hide, he turned his back to the younger man. “Um, why don’t you wait outside while I dress, Jay.”

“Don’t hide from me Jen,” Jared husked. “I knew that you were getting bigger, but I couldn’t see because you hide all of this from me, but jeez, look at you.”

“No please don’t Jared,” Jensen begged. “I’m fat and I have boobs.”

Jensen was so embarrassed that he kept his back to Jared because he’d never wanted Jared to see him like this. It was bad enough to know that he wasn’t wanted by the man, but for him to see him with a body that would only attract a chubby chaser, just added insult to injury. He was so lost in his thoughts of self-loathing, that Jensen didn’t hear Jared move across the room and only became aware when he felt the man’s arms wrap around him and his large hands settled on his stomach.

“You’re beautiful, don’t you dare be ashamed, Jen, your body is doing what it was designed to do. Trust me, you look damned good doing it,” Jared softly praised.

“I don’t feel beautiful,” Jensen admitted as he stood stiffly in the protective circle of Jared’s arms. “But thank you, Jared. May…May I ask a favor? You call her Gen, please call me Jensen, it hurts to think that you don’t care enough to differentiate; it’s the same as when you call your hookups darlin’.”

“Okay, Jensen it is, but please don’t ever think that think you’re not special to me, because there aren’t enough words to describe how special you are to me.” Jared corrected as he began to move his large hands on Jensen’s body, concentrating on the man’s stomach.

“Does he move yet?” Jared asked his voice low and sensual in Jensen’s ear, sending shivers down his spine, and causing his knees to buckle.

“No not yet, the doctor said that next month I should start feeling little flutters at first, and then he will start moving in earnest.”

Jensen could barely think with Jared’s hands on him like this. This was the one thing that he’d been wanting; craved for years, but if he didn’t move, he was going to come on the towel that he was still trying to hold onto.

“Are you going to breast feed?” Jared asked as his hands moved up and grazed Jensen’s sensitive nipples. It felt so good that Jensen couldn’t bite back the moan if he’d wanted to. As Jared continued to stroke Jensen’s nipples, the pregnant man who was a few minutes ago, embarrassed and stood stiffly, in front of his friend, was now relaxing against the big man who was now holding him up.

As he felt himself getting more turned on with each caress, Jensen pulled away from the warmth of Jared’s body, because there was no way he was going to the doctor’s office freshly fucked and smelling like sex.

The way Jared’s hands were roaming over Jensen’s body, mapping out his new shape felt so good that it was difficult for him to tear himself away, but if he didn’t move, Jared’s next foray on his stomach would bring him in contact with Jensen’s very hard dick and that would be embarrassing. Slowly he pulled away to get dressed to meet Clif, but more importantly, not to let Jared know what he was doing to him, but somehow he thought that the younger man knew. He was so caught up in that thought that it wasn’t until he was sitting in the doctor’s office that he realized that Jared had been hard as well.

Before the day in the trailer, Jared had never touched Jensen in a non- best friend kind of way, but now it seemed that he couldn’t keep his hands off Jensen, especially his belly. He could tell without Jensen voicing it, when the baby kicked. When they watched television, Jared would lay his head in Jensen’s lap and talk to the baby.

Jensen loved those times but then there were the kisses; there were the soft gentle ones at the back of his neck when he greeted Jensen good morning as he prepared breakfast. Of course, the ones that said thank you for some minuscule task that Jensen completed for his friend were special as well. However, Jensen’s favorites were the butterfly soft kisses that Jared placed at the corner of his mouth when they were playing games or going over their scripts. Jensen dreams about this and wished that he were bold enough to turn his head and get the soul-searing kiss that he really wanted. All Jensen knew was that the man was driving him crazy and if he hadn’t already been in love with Jared, then he would be falling fast.

The end of the season came fast, too fast for Jensen. Season end meant no more Jared for months, that he would be alone until his mom came to Bellingham to be with him through the final weeks of his pregnancy. That was a full month away, and until then he had to stew in his juices and worry himself about giving birth.

As he watched Jared pack, Jensen relished the fact that he didn’t have to do the same because everything that he needed was already at his condominium, which allowed him to spend this final night with Jared without worrying about forgetting something.

Both men had been reluctant to go to bed because when they did, that meant morning would be there soon and so would Clif to take Jared away. At least that’s the way that Jensen felt as he stripped down to the boxers and t-shirt that he preferred to sleep in since his pregnancy.

That night after he’d finished packing, Jared was super attentive towards Jensen and Jensen felt as though the man didn’t want to let him out of his sight, and his suspicions were confirmed when Jared knocked on Jensen’s bedroom door later.

“Hey, is it okay if I sleep in here tonight?” Jared asked and looking at the face that was reminiscent of a twelve-year old, Jensen found him hard to resist, so he just pulled the covers back in answer.

After knowing Jared for years, Jensen knew that Jared’s body threw off an abnormal amount of body heat, but Jensen had never experienced it this close up. He tried to stay on his side of the bed and not sink into that tempting heat but Jared was having none of that. He reached out and pulled Jensen into his body until Jensen could feel the puff of breath at the back of his neck.

Jensen lay there as still as he could as Jared’s hands gravitated to his stomach and began to stroke the large mound. Jensen relaxed into Jared’s body until he accidently touched the head of Jensen’s dick that was still covered by his boxers, causing both men to gasp at the contact.

After the shock of Jared’s hand grazing his dick, Jensen wasn’t sure how to react, because he wasn’t sure if it was an accident or deliberate and he didn’t want to chance it being an accident and push for more only to embarrass his friend.

“Jensen?” Jared quietly asked as his hand grazed Jensen’s dick again.

This time he knew that the action was deliberate and Jensen thrust his hips back into Jared’s crotch in answer. Once his hips came into contact with Jared’s dick, Jared sprang into action, tugging at Jensen’s boxer’s until Jensen’s mind cleared and he lifted his hips to allow the man to pull them down and suddenly, those large hands were wrapped around Jensen’s aching dick. As Jared plastered himself against Jensen’s back, Jensen realized that somewhere along the way, Jared had gotten rid of his boxers as well because all Jensen could feel was skin to skin contact.

The feel of Jared’s calloused thumb rubbing across his sensitive, pre-cum slickened cock head sent a pleasure so sharp through Jensen’s body that it forced the air from his lungs, but when he moved it to the underside, just under the crown, he inhaled deeply and reflated them.

“Shhh, Jen, it’s okay, I got you,” Jared soothed his as he kissed that back of his neck.

Jensen’s body shivered at the touch of Jared’s lips on his skin. He wanted to turn around and touch Jared, but he was afraid that if he moved, he would find that this moment would be a dream and Jared would be gone, and if that happened, God help him he would cry like the little girl Chris often accused him of being.

“Feels good to hold you like this Jen,” Jared whispered. “It feels so fucking good to be able to wrap my hands around your dick and make you moan for me.”

“Jared,” Jensen groaned.

“Yeah, that’s what I wanna hear, you calling out my name as I get you off; make you lose that control you’re always holding on to.”

Jensen knew what Jared meant because he was trying to hold on to it now because he wanted this to last. He was fighting it until Jared whispered let go into his ear and he did. He found himself chasing his orgasm by both fucking into Jared’s hand and bucking back against that huge dick in the cleft of his ass. Jared was leaking pre-come, and sometimes as it moved between Jensen’s cheeks, the head would catch on the rim on his hole and Jensen tried to push it inside but that was not going to happen without help.

“Please…please,” he begged as he bucked his hips trying to draw out the pleasure Jared’s hands wrought from his body.

“That’s it baby fuck my hand, but the next time, I get to see this big dick, trace every vein with my tongue before I learn how much I can get down my throat. I’ve spent years wondering if it’s as pretty as you are, especially at times like this when you’re so hard that you’re about to burst. C’mon, Jensen burst!” Jared demanded as he began to add a twist to his hands as they moved up and down Jensen’s swollen member.

How he lasted as long as he did, Jensen’s not sure, because it had been month’s since he’d last been touched intimately. Because he was being jerked off by Jared, he’s surprised that he hadn’t blown his load the minute those calloused hands wrapped around his length. 

Not wanting to disappoint Jared, Jensen felt a pleasure so sharp work its way down his spine and soon his balls were drawing up and he was spilling over Jared’s hand and on his protruding belly.

Jensen reveled in the fact Jared held him in his arms as he came down from his orgasm because it made him feel…loved. Once his body had calmed down and Jensen was able to think rationally, he pulled free of Jared, turned onto his back and spread his legs in invitation, but Jared shook his head no. Jensen didn’t understand because he could feel Jared’s dick twitch in need against his leg. Was what just happened between them pity?

He was already near the edge of the bed, but his embarrassment made him turn his back and scoot as close to the edge as possible without falling out of the bed.

“Don’t Jensen,” Jared ordered. “It’s not that I don’t want to, God knows I do, but it’s late already, and when I finally get to be inside of you, I want all night and to wake up with you in my arms. I know that when I leave at ass o’clock in the morning, you will convince yourself that you were just a fuck and I won’t have that. When we do this, there will be no doubt in your mind about what I want. Now stay here and look pretty while I get something to clean you up.”

Jensen enjoyed the view of Jared’s ass as he crossed the room to the bathroom for a warm washcloth to clean Jensen’s stomach. He could hear the man as he jerked himself off and Jensen felt cheated. 

“I would have taken care of that for you Jared; I’m not a selfish lover.” Jensen informed the man as he cleaned him up.

“If you had, I would be buried so deep in you, and like I said we’re going to wait.” Jared said as he climbed back into the bed and pulled Jensen back into his body. “We have all of the time in the world Jensen. I know I’ll be gone for a while, but I’ll be back before shooting starts and before the little one makes his appearance, so please tell me that it’s just us, that if you get an itch, you’ll wait for me to scratch it?”

“Jared I haven’t wanted anyone but you for so long so you don’t have to worry about that.” 

As though in agreement, the baby chose that moment to kick.

The bedside clock flashed five a.m. as Jensen woke just in time to watch as Jared stumbled towards the bathroom to take a piss before he “quietly” left Jensen’s room to go to his to take a shower. Jensen knew that he would have to leave soon in order to make his flight on time. As the younger man left the room, Jensen lay there and wondered why he let himself make a bigger mess of the situation than he already had. Before tonight, he’d kept telling himself that he would tell Jared about the baby tomorrow, but now it was too late because when he eventually told him, Jared would question their relationship and wonder if Jensen let it become sexual in order to soften him up. That he would think that he’d be so in love that he would immediately forgive him for the treachery. There was no way that he could tell Jared and not lose him. The blonde knew that Chris would call him chicken shit, but so be it. Jared wanted him and there was no way he was giving that up.

There was no way that he was going back to sleep, so Jensen rolled out of bed and picked up his boxers and t-shirt from where Jared had thrown them the night before, and quickly dressed before going downstairs to make Jared coffee and something light to eat before he left.

“Awww, my little wifey,” Jared teased as he entered the kitchen.

“Fuck you,” Jensen grumbled as he placed a plate of eggs and toast in front of Jared.

“Later,” Jared promised. “You didn’t have to do this; I could have grabbed something at the airport.”

“I know, but I wanted to, and besides, the baby has been kicking, so I guess he wanted to tell you good-bye as well.”

Shortly after Jared finished his breakfast, Clif was outside blowing his horn, ready to take Jared to the airport.

“I’ll call you as soon as I can, but if I don’t get a chance to call you before you leave, be careful when you drive to Bellamy.” Jared instructed.

“It’s not that far, Jared,” Jensen griped, but he was secretly pleased that the man was being protective.

“I know but be careful anyway,” Jared commanded as he leaned in to kiss Jensen good-bye and gave his stomach a gentle rub before he turned to leave.

 

 

Jensen had barely made it inside his condominium before his phone started ring, and he smiled as he looked at the caller id and saw Jared’s smiling face.

“Hi,” He greeted breathlessly. “See. I made it safely. Going through the border patrol didn’t take long so I made it here in a little over an hour.”

“How’s my…the baby?

Jensen caught the slip up, Jared had said my before he corrected himself. Did that mean he considered Jensen his as well? If he did telling him the truth shouldn’t be too bad, because Jared obviously wanted this child.

“Jared?” Jensen asked his friend tentatively.

“Yeah.”

“Last night, that was real right? You weren’t just fucking with me were you?” 

“Did it seem like I was fucking with you? We can have this- just stop over thinking it and let yourself enjoy, okay.”

“I’ll try,” the older man promised.

Jensen knew that if Jared were there with him he would be wrapped up in his octopus arms and be comforted until Jared was sure that Jensen accepted them. He would try, but it was hard to believe when he had such a heavy secret weighing him down. Jensen was aware that there had been a couple of perfect moments to confess and tell Jared everything, but his fear made him keep his mouth shut. There was nothing scarier than the words what if and they often overshadowed common sense. Sometimes when Jared smiled at him, it was easy to convince himself that Jared wouldn’t be mad, but what if he was.

The summer went by fast and Jensen stayed inside for most of it because he didn’t want to take the chance that he would be recognized. Normally during hiatus, he would grow a beard and go for that mountain man look, but because of the pregnancy hormones, he couldn’t seem to grow any facial hair. Even though his doctor advised him that it was because he was producing extra estrogen, he worried because what if…

It was boring being on his own. Going out would have been nice, but he had his groceries and most things he needed delivered to minimize contact with other people. Chris and Aldis would come down sometimes when they got a break from filming, but the highlight of Jensen’s day was the phone calls from Jared. Sometimes he would call to make sure that Jensen was taking his vitamins, or tell him some stupid thing that happened, or they might end up talking for hours about nothing, but it made something loosen in his chest when he heard Jared’s voice. 

Donna Ackles arrived with Jensen’s sister, Mackenzie a month before the baby was due and their company helped alleviate the boredom. It reminded Jensen of a girls retreat except for the fact that he wasn’t a girl and his growing belly made him uncomfortable. He may have complained that that was the way they were treating him, but he kept it to a minimum because he didn’t want to scare away his company.

The Supernatural gang took the summer hiatus to participate in conventions to connect with their European fans, Jensen looked forward to it each year, and he missed not being able to go. Not only did he get to meet the fans, but also he was able to hang out with former guest stars that he didn’t get to see often. He hoped that he would be able to go next year, but he’s not sure what was going to happen with him and Jared. And the baby.

Jared called each night, kept Jensen up to date on was going on by sharing the stories from the conventions, and once while he was on stage put his phone up to the microphone to let Jensen say hello to the fans.

“Have you settled on a name yet?” Jared asked him during one of these nightly calls.

“Liam or Connor, but I’m leaning towards Liam.” Jensen answered.

“I like Liam; it’s a good solid name. I like Connor as well, but… hey why not Liam Connor?”

“That’s a great name,’ Jensen agreed, “Liam Connor it is.”

Jensen really did like the name, but truth be told, even if Jared had suggested an outlandish name with fifteen letters, his guilt would have made him agree.

Both men were tired and when Jensen could no longer hold back the yawns, he bade Jared good night.

“Hey,” Jared said before he ended the call. “I’ve shifted my schedule around and I’ll be able to come up the week before you’re due so I’ll be there for the delivery.”

Jensen’s face lit up at Jared’s words. It would be so wonderful to have him near, to be able to hold him, to kiss him. Jensen tried to keep the excitement out of his voice when he said, “I can’t wait!”

“Jen, do me a favor and put the phone to your stomach so that I can say goodnight to Liam.”

Protesting that that was silly, but the action made him fall just a little bit more for the goofball that was Jared. 

“Okay, say good night,” Jensen told him before he switched to the speaker, placed the phone on his large bump, and melted as Jared started talking. He would have said that Jared was just being silly or that he himself was being sentimental, but Liam began kicking when Jared began to speak.

“I gotta go Jensen,” Jared yawned into the phone. “I’ve got an early call tomorrow, the breakfast panel where I get to answer more questions about you.”

It was evident by the way they both held onto the phone not speaking that neither wanted the connection to end, but Jensen knew that he would be able to sleep in tomorrow so he reluctantly said goodbye.

The thing about making plans was that there was always going to be something to fuck them up once Jared assured Jensen that he would be there in two weeks, Jensen went into labor. Jensen was so excited because Jared would be here tomorrow. He was so excited that he ignored the beginning of his labor until he was talking with his mother and sister and he was experiencing a pain so sharp that he dropped that glass of water he was holding. Later when he was being wheeled into the delivery room, he silently admitted that he wouldn’t be so scared if Jared were here with him.

Because the baby had to come out of such a small opening, Jensen knew that there was going to be pain and he had convinced himself that he could handle it, but in his mind, he didn’t envision that it would be this much. Several hours later, Jensen was convinced that this kind of pain was abnormal and demanded that the doctor do something about it. 

“Stop being a baby,” He mother scolded. “You’re doing great and besides, you’re almost at ten centimeters.”

He knew that his mother was just trying to calm him down and help get through this, but this was just payback for lying to Jared.

Liam Connor Ackles was born red faced and screaming sixteen hours after his father went into labor. Once the nurses got him cleaned up and weighed, he was placed into Jensen’s arms the pain was worth it. 

“Hello, Liam,” Jensen greeted the nine pound baby as he counted fingers and toes. Somewhere during the course of his taking inventory, Jensen fell in love. What he felt for Jared was nothing compared to what Liam made him feel and he knew that if Jared knew that this was his son, he’d feel the same.

Once he was taken to his room Jensen and the baby both fell asleep because apparently being born was just as exhausting as giving birth. When Jensen woke up a couple of hours later, the sight that greeted him made him gasp; Jared was sitting in the chair next to his bed, holding their son. As he watched, for just a second Jensen could pretend that they were that happy family that he often dreamed them to be. Of course, reality had to interrupt and today that reality was Christian fucking Kane.

Jensen watched as his friend surveyed the room and he saw the instant that Chris realized that Jared didn’t know that he was the father because he gave Jensen a stern look.

“You look like a natural doing that,” Chris told Jared as he glared at Jensen.

“Like Jensen, I’ve had a lot of practice with my nephews,” Jared explained. “Now it looks like I’ll get hands on experience since I’ll be seeing this little guy every day.”

“Yeah, I guess you will,” Chris agreed, glaring harder at Jensen. 

“Tell him,” Chris mouthed at his friend.

Jensen mouthed, “I tried,” in response and tried to will Chris to understand how hard this was for him. He knew that this problem was of his own making and that if he had come clean months ago that the two of them could have worked past this and he could have his dream, but he was a fucking coward because the thought of what if paralyzed him with fear. 

 

While Jensen was in the hospital his mother and sister packed up the apartment and made sure that his things made it back to the home that he shared with Jared. The nursery had been set up and was now just waiting for Jensen and Liam to come home.

When Jensen went into early labor for hours he’d focused on two things, the pain and if the baby was going to be okay. He was aware that he was just a couple of weeks early, but the longer he stayed inside the better chance of nothing going wrong. Once Liam arrived healthy and a strong set of lungs, Jensen was able to rest and enjoy the miracle that was his child.

The best thing about Liam’s early arrival was the extra time he and Jared were able to spend with their son. Once his mom and sister left Jensen was able to pretend that they were actually a family, that Jared knew about how their child had been conceived, but was so happy that Chet wasn’t in the picture that he overlooked Jensen’s subterfuge. He lived in that dream world and then Chad showed up.

“What’s up bitch?” Chad greeted when he entered the den. 

Chad’s entrance startled Jensen because he’d not been expecting the blonde. As he wallowed in his fantasy of having his family he’d gotten more comfortable with his breasts exposed as he fed the baby, and no matter how natural it was, there was no way that he wanted Chad to see him like this.

“Shut up Chad!” Jensen growled as he tried to hide his embarrassment. His shirt was on the other end of the sofa out of his reach and he didn’t want to move and upset Liam.

As though he sensed Jensen’s embarrassment, Jared walked over, grabbed the shirt and draped it across Jensen so he wouldn’t be exposed to Chad’s curious eyes.

Once Jensen was satisfied that he was adequately covered, he relaxed a little even though Chad had moved to stand next to the sofa, watching as he fed the baby.

“Chad,” Jared called his friends name. “You’re in the guest room so let me help you with your bags.”

 

Jensen had been so worried about being exposed that he hadn’t noticed Chad’s luggage. He wasn’t surprised that Jared had offered his friend a place to stay, but the amount of luggage told him that this was no short stay, that he would be with them a while.

Liam seemed to sense his father’s discomfort and begat to squirm and snuffle until he was moved to Jensen’s other breast to feed. Once he’d drunk his fill, Jensen burped him and hummed until he fell asleep.

As Jensen quietly left the room he took one more glance at the sleeping baby before making his way next door to his room. As he lay down on the bed, he thought about what having Chad there meant. There was no way that he could confess to Jared with his friend there for backup. 

Everyone knew that Chad was a dick and never understood how the two of them were friends, but they were and it worked. Jensen’s not sure if it’s because Jared’s the one person who stuck beside him no matter what, but Chad was protective of Jared and if he had a hint of what Jensen had done, he’d drive a wedge between them before Jensen would be given a chance to explain.

He should have listened to Chris and told Jared as soon as he knew he was pregnant. Now with Chad in the picture, this was going to end badly.

As he lay on his bed he could hear the friends as they discussed him. He really should leave and let them have the privacy they thought that they had, but he couldn’t make himself move.

“All I’m saying is that you’re in too deep, Jared. Once that kid begins to talk he’s gonna call you Dada, or Papa or whatever.”

Jensen held his breathe as he waited for Jared’s response, but as usual, Jared’s voice was too low for him to make out his response. 

 

Jensen had decided to wait until the baby was born before hiring a nanny. He emailed the information to his mom and they picked the ones that looked good on paper and waited to see how she/he interacted with the baby. 

Unfortunately, he had fifteen interviews before deciding on Annie. She was kind and sweet and Liam took to her immediately, which sealed the deal. Jensen was glad to have that settled because they had to be back on set on Monday and he wasn’t sure how he would cope if he was worried about his child.

Even though he’d been getting up early to feed Liam, it was still hard for Jensen to get up his first day back on set. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t go back to sleep when the baby did. 

Once he woke though he was glad to go to set because that meant no Chad, and hopefully once he was home Chad would be gone or have hooked up with someone.

As happy as he was to get back to work, he felt embarrassed when the girls in costuming had to get a larger size. He’d worked hard to get the baby weight off, but there were ten pounds that refused to leave. The girls assured him that he looked great, and he was worrying for nothing. 

The reassurances they gave him were just as disconcerting as when Jared touched him. Before he was comfortable with Jared because he was pregnant, but now he didn’t have that excuse to hide behind, he was vain enough to want to be…well, perfect.

Still a few weeks away from the doctor’s release, Jensen was working like hell to get into shape so that when he and Jared have their first time, Jared wouldn’t find him wanting. When he was being measured for new Dean, clothes he was actually a size smaller than he thought and damned near threw a party. When Jared kissed him in congratulations, the party pitched a tent in his pants.

Jensen was a little bummed because Jared left early as he finished his few scenes. He had wanted to take Liam with him, but Jensen was not ready to be parted from his child, even if that person was Jared and he was just taking him home. He liked knowing that Liam was there on set, he could visit him in between takes, and besides he would be leaving early today as well.

And besides, he didn’t want him exposed the Chad this early.

It was quiet on the set without Jared, but he and Chad had called several times attempting to talk Jensen into letting Annie bring Liam home. After the third call, Jensen reminded him that he would finish shooting early, that the new guy, Misha had the late shoots today.

When Jensen arrived home, he noticed that Jared was on the phone with his mom so instead of interrupting, Jensen and Annie took a very sleepy Liam to his nursery and got him settled. Once Liam and all of his things were taken care of, Annie bade them goodnight.

As he made his way back downstairs to see Annie out, Jensen looked for Chad but it seemed that the interloper was not there. Good.

“Goodnight, Jared,” Annie waved as she walked out the door.

“Goodnight Annie,” he returned with a smile before continuing to talk to his mom.

Once Jensen returned to the den, he joined Jared on the sofa and found himself drifting asleep before Jared poked him in the ribs and said, “Mama wants to talk babies with you.”

Instead of giving the tired man the phone, Jared put it on speaker so that they both could talk to her.

“When am I going to get pictures of the baby?” Sherri demanded.

“I thought Jared had sent you pictures, since he’s always taking them,” Jensen apologized and he pulled out his cell and sent her a photo he’d taken earlier that day.

Both men sat up from their slumped positions when they heard the woman shriek.

“Mama, you okay?” Jared asked.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she assured him, “but I’m mad. Why didn’t you boys tell me that I was a grandmother? Liam looks just like Jared did at that age.”

They both laughed it off until an hour when later they both received an email with a baby picture of Jared placed side by side with the one Jensen had sent of Liam. Jensen knew that he had run out of time because his secret was out.


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen had known that if he’d been truthful then he and Jared would be past this, but he didn’t and now he was going to have to pay the price for his deceit. Now that he was faced with his treachery, he was speechless and didn’t have a response to the unfamiliar hateful glare on Jared’s face. Jensen had begged and pleaded for Jared to understand his actions but he wouldn’t so now he sat across from that angry young man and his attorney.

The night Jared’s mom broke the news, Jensen hoped that their friendship would help make things better between them, but the man who had been his best friend for the past few years, turned and walked out. Jensen slept on the floor in Liam’s room because he wasn’t sure how angry Jared was and didn’t want him to come in the middle of the night and take his son.

As he lay on the floor that night, Jensen grabbed his phone from his pocket and called Chris.

“I fucked up Chris,” he blurted out when the older man answered the phone.

“He found out huh?” Chris guessed. “Damn it Jen I told you to tell him. You had nine months to make this right.”

“Yeah, he did,” Jensen, confirmed. “But I really don’t need I told you so right now. I need you to tell me what to do, how to make this right.”

“Jensen…” Chris started, “are you going to listen?” his friend asked. Even though he didn’t say it, Jensen heard the unsaid this time loud and clear.

“Yes,” Jensen whispered as he fought back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“My advice to you is get a lawyer.”

Jensen wanted to yell and scream at Chris and tell him that he didn’t know Jared the way he did, that the two boys from Texas could work out their problems without legal intervention. He believed that until he’d received a letter from Jared’s attorney. His next move was to call his agent to get an attorney of his own.

Their interaction was pretty much the same as before when they weren’t speaking only worse. This time there were no snide comments, no Jared fucking anything that moved because the man was much too angry for that. Jared never acknowledged him and only spoke to him when he was Sam. 

Of course because Jared wasn’t speaking to Jensen, neither was Chad and it was like Jensen was the odd man out. 

If Jensen was in the nursery with Liam, Jared wouldn’t come in; he would walk away or sometimes wait outside until Jensen left the room. They no longer ran their lines together, Jensen ran his with Misha when he was available, and Jared ran his with Chad. 

It was a good thing that Sam and Dean were going through a rough patch because Jared and Jensen were able to draw their emotions from their own rough patch and give outstanding performances. 

Just like before when they weren’t speaking, everyone knew that something was wrong, but unlike before the cast and crew could tell that this was different, more serious. Before, Jared would be rude and snap at Jensen, this time he was cold, indifferent towards Jensen, and uncomfortably polite to everyone else and it hurt.

Unlike before, Jensen was well aware what he did to Jared, there was no confusion; his problem was he didn’t know how to make things better if Jared wouldn’t speak to him. The only time he’d show any emotions was when he was dealing with Liam.

Jensen watched as Jared looked everywhere but directly at him and he worried if there was this much hate from Jared, how they were supposed to raise Liam if they couldn’t communicate. There was no way he was going to be reduced to sending messages through a child. It was unfair to Liam. Coming to a decision, Jensen leaned in and whispered a request into his attorney, Earl Gregory’s ear.

“Are you sure about that Jensen?” Earl asked. “I’m being paid handsomely to take care of this for you, and to be honest, what you’re asking might make things worse.”

“I have to try Earl.”

“Bennett,” Earl addressed Jared’s attorney. “My client would like to have a few minutes alone with Mr. Padalecki in order to work this out without outside interference.”

“No!” Jared firmly stated before his attorney even had a chance to respond. “Whatever we need to say, say it here with our lawyers present because otherwise I have nothing to say to you.”

Jensen threw his head back and took a deep breath before saying, “That’s the problem Jared, and we don’t talk. Liam’s small right now so it doesn’t matter so much but what about when he’s older? Am I going to be reduced to sending smoke signals when I need to discuss our son? C’mon Jared, you have to trust me when I say that that is not the best environment for a child.”

“That’s the problem Jensen, I don’t trust you.” 

He would not cry, Jensen promised himself as he blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall. Even though he deserved them, Jared’s words hurt.

“Then why are we here Jared?” Jensen asked, angry with himself for allowing emotion to make his voice crack.

“It’s simple, I want custody of Liam.” Jared told him.

“I’m not denying you access to him Jared, you’ve never been denied time with him. I guess you don’t trust me not to change my mind, huh”

“No, you don’t understand, I want full custody based on the fact that you’re an unfit parent; you get visitation.”

Suddenly the tears that were threatening to fall were gone and the hurt was joined by anger. “You can accuse me of a lot of things Jared, but an unfit parent is not one of them. You were singing my praises louder than anyone was until you learned that you were the sperm donor. I have no problem sharing custody, but you will not drag my name through the mud because your feelings are hurt!”

“You let me think Chet was MY son’s father.” Jared accused.

“No, you just assumed that; I told you more than once that he wasn’t.”

“If I may interject,” Bennett interrupted, “Mr. Ackles you have to understand my client’s position. You have withheld his child from him and now you have to pay the price.”

“And you call me a liar,” Jensen threw at Jared. “While I might not have told you he was yours, I have never denied you access to him, you even named his for fuck’s sake.”

“Taking care of someone else’s child is not the same thing; you’d better be prepared to fight.”

The meeting didn’t go the way Jensen had hoped, Jared had made up his mind and was determined that Jensen pay for his deception, forcing Jensen to fight the man he loved for his child. He loved Jared but he was not going to give in without a fight.

 

In order to carry out Jared’s threat meant that the knowledge that Jensen was a carrier would be made public the moment Bennett filed his suit and all of Jensen’s effort at hiding his pregnancy would have been for nothing. He knew that he was going to have to tell Sera and Eric because this was going to affect everyone putting their livelihood in jeopardy.

“Hi Eric, Sera,” Jensen nodded at his bosses and grimaced before continuing, “thanks for taking this meeting on such a short notice. Having to do this is kind of hard for me, so please understand that I would have done anything to avoid this situation.”

“What is it Jen?” Kim asked.

When Jensen hesitated, Eric stepped in, “Look Jensen I know that there’s some kind of trouble between you and Jared again, please tell me that the two of you will be able to work this out.”

“Not this time, I’m afraid. Just know that this is my fault not Jared’s…let me just say this and get it over with- Jared is Liam’s father and I lied to him about it.”

“We kind of figured out that he was the baby’s dad,” Sera informed him with a small uncomfortable chuckle. “We just thought that you wanted to keep this private between the two of you.”

The laughter quickly died out when Jensen admitted how he became pregnant and about Jared’s suit for custody. He looked around the room at the people at the table. People who’d believed in him and Jared and now a moment of stupidity was going cause them all to hate him because he bought their dream to an end.

Eric was the first to speak, “I agree that what you did was wrong, but Jensen this doesn’t have to be the end for Sam and Dean, nor Jared and Jensen.”

“Yeah, I get why he’s angry, but I don’t understand why he’s trying to get sole custody. You two share a home, and he was being daddy, by his actions, if not by name so why is he doing this?” Sera asked.

“He’s not really talking to me, but he’s hurt and probably embarrassed so he’s lashing out,” Jensen told her. “And I really don’t know how to get through to him.”

After the meeting, Jensen went to his trailer to feed his hungry son. Even though things were shitty around him, having Liam made it all worth it and he would make the same decision if this beautiful child was the result. As he sat in the quiet room, Chad came bursting in destroying the quiet.

“What did you think? That your crying to Eric and Sera was going to get Jared to change his mind? You have him so tangled up in knots that he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.”

Suddenly everything made sense; not Jared’s anger, that was only natural, but the fact that he was trying to prove Jensen to be an unfit parent and get sole custody. Did Chad want to help Jared raise their child? Was there more to Chad’s protectiveness than friendship?

“I wasn’t trying to get anyone to turn against Jared, but I thought that they deserved to know the shit storm that you’ve convinced Jared to unleash with that suit. They need to be prepared and know the reason the show that they’ve worked so hard on was going to be canceled.”

“Don’t you dare blame me for what is about to happen. If you had been honest or better yet, told him the truth then none of this would have happened.”

As Chad made his argument, Jensen smiled because even though the words hurt and he knew that he had a hellish fight to get Jared back, he realized that there was a chance because Jared hadn’t told Chad what he’d done and that alone gave him hope.

“You know that you can help make this easier Chad,” Jensen implored, “so why won’t you?”

“Because I finally found a way to get you out of Jared’s life once and for all,” Chad shrugged his shoulder and calmly stated. “The day he signed on to do this show, I lost him, to you, but you’ve given him back and I’m going to hold on tight this time.”

 

Jensen stared at Chad and didn’t recognize that person standing before him. Gone was the stupid dick without two brain cells to rub together, and in his place was a cold calculated stranger who was this close to taking away all that Jensen held dear.

 

“I’m not backing down, Jensen I’m going to help Jared fight you for custody and make you pay for hurting him.”

“So you’re going to make everyone suffer just so you can hurt me? Why don’t you just step aside and let the two of us, sit down and talk; work this out. Even if we can’t be friends anymore, we could work out something if you’d stop with the interfering.” 

Chad shook his head and said, “You don’t get it do you Jensen? Jared’s mine, was long before you came along, so I want you out of his life and Liam’s as well.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to prepare for battle, because there is no way in hell I will willingly give up my son.”

 

After that confrontation, things changed even more for Jensen. He wasn’t sure what Jared told the cast and crew about what was happening between them, but suddenly people that he’s been working with and thought were his friends, were now treating him differently and some were just downright nasty. Things on the set had become so uncomfortable that Jensen spent all of his down time in his trailer while Jared changed from the sullen man he’d become to everyone’s best friend making Jensen look like a diva bitch.

During one of his breaks, Jensen was in his trailer feeding Liam, when he heard a knock on the door. He hesitated for a minute before answering because he wasn’t sure whom who it could be because most of the crew and cast were no longer speaking to him.

“Come in,” he finally answered thinking that perhaps it was Jared coming to talk to him about the animosity between them.

He was shocked however when his visitor turned out to be Genevieve, not Jared.

“Jared’s not here,” Jensen told her hoping that she would leave.

“Leave?” She chuckled, “it’s not as though you can afford to turn away friends at this point.”

“You bitch,” Jensen snarled.

“Look, I know that Jared’s not here- I just wanted to check on you to see how you’re doing.”

Jensen concentrated on Liam and pretended not to hear her as he tried to figure out what her angle was. 

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you but I see how some people around here are treating you and no matter what you’ve done you don’t deserve that.”

To say that he was shocked was an understatement. He had expected Genevieve to be on Jared’s side, because after all Jensen’s the reason Jared stopped seeing her and he told her as much.

“I’ve told you this before, but I’ll say it again, the two of you are fucking idiots. Jensen, Jared – I never had Jared. He has been ass over tit for you since the day he met you, so what he’s feeling right now is more hurt than anger. He placed you on a pedestal and you made him see that you were human and had flaws and he’s not taking it well but he will come around Jensen.”

“If what you’re saying is the truth, then if he goes forward with this suit, I’m not sure that there will be a friendship left, because I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“I get that you don’t trust me and hopefully that will change, but trust that Jared loves you. He loves you just as much as you love him.”

“You don’t know that,” Jensen told her.

“That he loves you? Everyone knows how he feels except you, and once he gets his head out of his ass, he’ll come around.” Holding out her hands she said, “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, how about letting me hold the little guy, he’s the only reason I want to be your friend anyway.”

As Jensen watched Genevieve play with the baby, he wondered how this tiny being created with love (it was love that forced him to pull that condom from the trash) could be the cause of the hurt and pain that he’d been in since Jared’s mom spilled the beans.

 

 

_He could tell that Jared was going to ask if it was true, if Liam was his, but he stopped when he read the answer in Jensen’s eyes._

_Jared walked up to Jensen until his mouth was a breath away and asked, “When Jensen? When was I so drunk that I don’t remember being buried inside you? Better yet, why didn’t you tell me?”_

_Jensen groaned at Jared’s nearness and the fact that he was being given an out, another lie that he could pass as the truth and let Jared believe that he was drunk. The problem was that it would drive Jensen to drink if he had to live with that lie. This one secret had weighed heavily on him and there was no way he was going to live with another, or build a relationship based on that lie._

_“Because that’s not what happened, Jared,” he admitted aching to lean in and take the kiss that he knew was going to be his last from this man._

_Deciding to take the kiss, Jensen let his lips glide over Jared’s before he stepped back and shook his head._

_“There’s nothing for you to remember Jared, because we never-you and I never had sex.”_

_“I don’t understand Jensen, if we didn’t then how is Liam mine. He is mine and there’s no way in hell that you can deny that.”_

_The minute he opened his mouth to explain his jealousy and his stupidity was the moment he lost Jared. Jensen could actually see when the confusion was replaced with hatred so deep that Jensen could feel it as though it was a physical ache. He didn’t even need Jared to say the word’s that look told Jensen that their friendship was dead._

__

 

“I hope that the two of you get your shit together before the little one here starts walking, because that would be a shame if you let your stupidity keep you apart.”

After Genevieve left, Jensen watched the baby sleep until a PA with a bad attitude came to tell him that he was needed on set. When he was in place he noticed that it was another scene with Castiel, and he’s not sure, but it seem that lately he and Jared didn’t have many scenes together and he wondered if Eric and Sera had the writers to do that on purpose, and deep down the thought made Jensen more than a little sad.

Jensen missed being on the set with his friend, but now when Jared wasn’t there, there was no gut wrenching tension nor were the crew quite as nasty towards him. Some forgot that they were supposed to hate him and were actually nice.

Once he finished with his coverage, Jensen was done for the day, the weekend was here and he could relax a little. If Jared had decided to go to L.A. then it would be even better.

“Hey little man,” Jensen greeted as soon as he opened the door to his trailer. His empty trailer.

Stepping inside he didn’t see Annie, and more importantly he didn’t see Liam or any of the things that they bring to set each day for him. Jensen blindly reached for the phone at his hip and scrolled the contacts until he found Annie’s number.

“Annie, where are you and the baby?” he asked trying not to let how frightened he was show in his voice.

“Oh, Jared took him home and said that I wasn’t needed for the weekend.”

Now he knew what it meant to see red. He’d never been so pissed in his life. He had no problem with Jared spending time with his- no their son, but he could have at least told him and let him know instead of letting him walk into an empty trailer.

Jensen made it home in record time because his anger was fueled each time the rearview mirror reflected the empty baby seat in the back seat of his SUV. When he pulled into the garage, the first thing he noticed was that Jared’s car was gone, and he thought that perhaps that was a good thing. The younger man’s absence would give him time to cool off by the time the two of the returned.

He walked to refrigerator for a bottle of water and was sorely tempted by the beer he found there, but he was nursing and couldn’t drink so he grabbed his bottle and waited. And waited.

He had fallen asleep at some point and when he woke up it was late. The nap had caused him to release most of the anger from earlier, but it was beginning to build again because Jared let him sleep on the sofa when he needed to feed Liam.

He was angry until he noticed the silence. Liam should be screaming him head off for his last feeding, but the house was eerily quiet. A sudden dread washed over him and he took the stairs two at a time until he reached the nursery and upon finding it empty he ran to Jared’s bedroom knowing that he was going to find it empty as well.

Jensen pulled out his phone and called and texted Jared repeatedly, but the man wouldn’t answer, so he called Chad.

“Chad,” he said happy that he answered.

“Fuck off, Ackles,” Chad snarled before hanging up.

The next call was to Chris. If Jared wouldn’t take his calls, since they shared some of the same friends, perhaps Chris could do what Jensen couldn’t.

“Do you know what time it is Canadian boy?” Chris griped.

“I’m sorry Chris, but I don’t know whom else to call. I’m not sure who’s siding with whom and who’s ignoring me because they don’t want to get in the middle, but I need your help.”

“Help with what?”

“Help me find my son. Jared took him without telling me and I don’t know where he is. Chris what I did was wrong but I don’t deserve this, please help me find him.”

“That motherfucker took him?” Chris exploded.

“Yeah. He did, and now he won’t answer my calls.”

“You have a lawyer right? Please tell me you listened and got a lawyer.”

“I did. I do, and I promise I’ll call him, just please help me find him.”

Chris promised to make calls until he got some information and call him back as soon as he found something. Jensen sat there in the dark waiting for a call from Chris. He was going to call his lawyer, but not until he heard from Chris. He didn’t want to tie up the line and miss his friend’s call.

“No one seemed to know anything,” Chris told him when he called back an hour later. “I did find out that he might be in Texas.”

“Thanks Chris,” he said in a broken voice.

Jensen ended the call and scrolled his contacts until he found the number he was looking for.

“Hello,” a sleepy voice answered. “Who is this?” 

“It’s Jensen.” 

“Do you know what time it is Jensen,” Sherri Padalecki asked him.

“Unfortunately, I do and I’m really sorry to bother you but- Jared has Liam and…”

“What is this?” she interrupted, “I mean apparently you didn’t want us to have anything to do with my grandson because you didn’t bother to tell Jared that Liam was his, but now you’re not going to allow us a visit?”

“Had I known that you wanted a visit, it probably wouldn’t have been this soon, but I wouldn’t have kept him away from you guys. I came to my trailer and then home only to find that he’s gone and Jared won’t answer my calls or my text. I just need to know where he is Mrs. P. Please help me find my child.” He begged.

“I wasn’t informed that Jared was taking him to visit you. Mrs. Padalecki, I came home to an empty house and now Jared won’t answer my calls or my texts. I had to find out from one of his friends that he might be in Texas.”

“Jensen he’s here with us,” she confirmed for him, “We asked him a week ago to bring Liam so that the family could meet him, but he said that you weren’t ready to let him visit without you yet. But then he called yesterday and said that you suddenly changed your mind”

“No he didn’t ask. He just took him and with Jared threatening to file for sole custody, I thought…” Jensen broke off to swallow the huge lump in his throat.

“You thought that he’d bypassed the courts,” she guessed. “I’m sorry Jensen; I had no idea that he would do something like this. I just wanted to see my grandson, not cause a bigger rift between the two of you.”

“Mrs. P I wouldn’t have prevented you from seeing him, it’s just that he’s so young and so small, it’s hard to be away from him right now. I know you guys are capable of taking care of him… it’s just that he’s so young.”

“I understand, honey. I’m not sure what’s going through my son’s head other than he’s hurt, but this makes him no better than what he’s mad at you for.”

“I don’t know what to do other than say I’m sorry for what I did. I was going to tell him it’s just that I was so scared,” He explained. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Oh, baby, we were hurt, but we could never hate you, so please don’t think that. In a way, I do understand why you didn’t tell him, because that couldn’t have been an easy conversation. Jared doesn’t hate you either; he’s just lashing out because he’s hurt.”

Jensen ended the conversation with her telling him that she would make sure that her son called him first thing in the morning.

“I’ll take care of your baby and he will come home to you if I have to bring him myself,” she promised.

As he continued to sit in the dark, Jensen thought about his conversation with Sherri Padalecki. Both she and Genevieve assured him that Jared didn’t hate him, but as he sat alone in Jared’s house, it sure felt as though he did.

He’d only been asleep for a couple of hours when he received a phone call from a furious Jared.

“You fucking called my mom, whining like a little bitch?” Jared bellowed. “Chad said that you were sneaky, but I never thought that you’d resort to something like this.”

“Had you informed me that you were taking my-Liam, then I wouldn’t have had to call anyone. I finally decided to call her because she cares about you and would have your best interest in mind when she convinced you to bring him home.”

“You had no goddamned right, Jensen!” Jared snapped, “One minute letting me take him and the next acting as though I kidnapped him. Was that part of your plan? I’ll bet that you’ve already called you lawyer haven’t you?”

That had been Chris’ suggestion, but he’d called Jared’s mom first, “No I haven’t Jared.”

“Why did you do this, Jared? I would have been okay with you taking him to see your parents in a month or so, but can you imagine how I felt when I walked into my trailer and my child was gone?”

“You said it was okay, you told Chad that I could take him and now you pull this shit.”

“I never told Chad anything Jared,” Jensen said quietly, “why would I tell him anything when he hates me.”

“I was so happy that you’d finally agreed that I didn’t think about that. I just wanted to get him to Texas before you changed your mind. I might be mad at you Jensen, but to take him without your permission would be cruel.”

Jensen couldn’t hold back the sob at Jared’s words. In his heart, he hadn’t believed that Jared would be so unkind, but Chad, Chad was a different story.

“I know that you’re worried, but I’m taking good care of him Jensen,” Jared’s soft tone assured him.

When Jensen didn’t respond, Jared asked, “Can my parents have one more day with him, please. From the day that you told them you were pregnant, your parents were able to share with you the excitement that they were going to be grandparents again, and my parents didn’t. Please don’t punish them because I was stupid enough to listen to Chad.”

The request took Jensen by surprise, of course, the Padalecki’s had felt that they were cheated and for that he could only blame himself. As much as he wanted Liam back with him, he had caused enough hurt and he could suffer through one more day.

“Of course Jared, we’ll talk when you get back.”

Jensen barely slept while Liam was gone. Even though he knew things had changed, until Liam was back with him, Jensen worried that Jared might change his mind and keep the baby until they had a court hearing.

When Jared arrived, he wasn’t alone; he had his parents along with Jensen’s, Chad, and both their legal counsel, but he could only focus on Liam. Jensen ignored them all, took his child and escaped to the nursery. Once there Jensen rocked the baby until he was reassured that Liam was okay and wouldn’t be taken from him again. Jensen wasn’t sure how long he was in there when he heard the door open. He thought that it was Jared and was surprised when he heard Chad’s voice.

“I told him that you were going to be trouble the moment he first mentioned your name. Since that first meeting all I’ve heard was Jensen this and Jensen that. You had his heart and you toyed with it for years, I was so hoping that the distance would further separate the two of you, but you somehow managed to get around that as well.”

“Leave Chad,” Jensen demanded. This room was for love and comfort and he didn’t want Chad’s bullshit to sully it. “I don’t need shit from you. You talk about me, you had years to tell Jared how you felt but you didn’t, so don’t blame me for his not wanting you.”

“This is still Jared’s house, so you can’t order me to do anything,” Chad reminded him before he turned to leave.

Chad was right; this was Jared’s house and after the stunt he pulled Jensen no longer felt safe there, as long as Chad was around. He didn’t think that Liam would be hurt, but what if Chad decided to do something more drastic? He knew that he couldn’t chance it.

Jensen looked at his son who was sleeping so peacefully before he ran downstairs to talk to his lawyer before he left.

“Earl, I need to find a new place to live.”

“I’ll have something for you to look at on Monday,” the man told him as he walked out the door.

 

Jensen wasn’t sure how thing were going to be once the attorneys left, but his and Jared’s parents decided that they needed to talk to settle this thing between them, so in the morning they were all going to sit down like adults and fix this mess their children made.

Once they were settled in for the night, Jensen slipped into the nursery and just watched Liam sleep. He’d never felt so helpless as he had when the baby was gone and even though it was unintentional, it hurt that it was Jared that made him feel that way. He’s not sure if it was relief or if it was stress, but he suddenly broke down and cried.

He stiffened when he felt arms encircle is waist from behind and pull him close, and no one had to tell him that it was Jared.

“Why, Jared?” Jensen asked in a voice so wrecked that it croaked.

 

“I’m sorry Jensen, I didn’t think- I knew that I should have talked to you instead of just taking Chad at his word, but a part of me was just so mad that I wanted to punish you even though I knew it was wrong.”

Jensen let Jared’s word’s wash over him, but he was so insulated in the pain from Jared’s actions that it took a while for the man’s word’s penetrated his brain. He understood what Jared was saying, but was he supposed to forget the way Jared treated him, or the way that he had others treating him. 

“I have to move Jared, I can’t stay here.”

“Jensen, please. We can work this out.”

“I don’t feel welcome here Jared… Chad has... A new place will give me down time and allow us to work on this; and besides, I can’t deal with Chad right now.”

“You two have never really gotten along, but he was here for me. When I found out about Liam, he was just fantastic. I know what he did was wrong but he was just being a friend, the same as Chris is for you.”

“What was he whispering to you while he was being Captain Fantastic?”

The look that crossed over Jared’s face told Jensen that it wasn’t good. 

“Okay, so maybe Chad didn’t have the best ideas, but what about you and your friends. What did Chris whisper in your ears when you told him what you’d done?” Jared countered.

“He told me to tell you, that it would be rough at first, but we’d work through it. He told me that you would understand, but I guess he was wrong.”

“So because your friends are more mature than mine, you want me to cut Chad from my life?” Jared asked.

The look on Jared’s face told him that the other man would if Jensen asked him too, but he won’t. They already had enough against them without dictating whom they could have as friends.

“No Jared, I’m not going to choose your friends for you, you’re a big boy and you can decide that for yourself, but I will not put up with shit from them.”

Jared just nodded and let his body go limp with relief.

 

 

The following week, Jensen and Liam moved into an apartment that was thirty minutes away from Jared’s house. The Ackles and the Padalecki’s thought that Jensen moving into his own place was a bad idea, that it would be easier for them to work out their problems if they were under the same roof, but they helped him pack and move. Once the doors were closed and everyone was gone, Jensen felt as though he could finally breathe.

He and Jared spent fourteen hours a day together and he bent over backwards to get back into Jared’s good graces and the fact of the matter, it was tiring. Here in his own place, Jensen didn’t have to be on all of the time, he didn’t have to watch what he said or his actions, he could just be with Liam.

It took them a while, but three months after Jensen moved Jared was finally convinced that Jensen wasn’t going to move back in right away, and they got into a routine that helped make their lives run smoother. It was filming during the week and family time on the weekend.

Filming was getter better as well, things were so much better between them, that the writers were getting them back to Sam and Dean and not Sam, and Dean with his angel. Today, Jared had scenes with Genevieve, and Jensen didn’t have to come in until late afternoon.

When he walked on set, he noticed that Jared and some of the crew were laughing and having a good time in between takes and he felt a little jealous, because even though that group was] friendlier, the ones that sided with Jared still subtly let him know that they were only being nice because of Jared.

Sucking in a deep breath, Jensen walked over to Jared and let him hold the baby while he made his way to makeup, and once his transition from daddy to Dean was completed he made his way back to the set.

“Jared,” the boom operator said, “why don’t you join us tonight for a few beers?”

“You can join us too Jensen once you finish here,” Jared suggested as he handed the baby back to Jensen.

Looking past Jared, Jensen saw the pained looks in the eyes of the men standing there and knew that he wasn’t wanted, but he wasn’t going to stop Jared from having a little fun.

“Nah,” He answered. “I think I’ll have an early night.

Jensen took Liam to his trailer and planted a soft kiss on the baby’s forehead before leaving him with Annie and returning to the set. On his way back he overheard the crewmembers who had asked Jared to hang out with them discussing him.

“If Ackles shows up, then I’m leaving…” The man told his friend as they walked away.

Jensen grimaced because he had to admit that the man’s words hurt, because he’d always considered him a friend. It seemed that the old adage was true; you only hear bad things about yourself when you eavesdrop. He couldn’t understand what caused the sudden dislike, at first he thought that maybe Jared had gotten drunk and discussed the situation between them, but now he doesn’t think so; they chose sides and apparently, Jared came out the winner. 

This was not the first time that he had worked with people that he didn’t like and was sure that it wouldn’t be his last, as long as everything was on a professional level, and then he would be okay.

That night when he arrived home, he was tired after a long day of filming as well as dealing with a fussy child. He had quickly settled Liam in his crib and was resting in front of the television when he heard a knock on the door. A hasty glance at his watch told him that it was late as he tried to guess who it could be. The last time he spoke to Chris, he had mentioned a possible visit, but he would have called Jensen to pick him up at the airport rather than take a taxi.

“It’s me Jensen,” Jared’s voice boomed from the other side of the door. “Let me in please.”

Cautiously, Jensen opened the door to a frowning Jared. Having witnessed him in all states of inebriation, Jensen knew that he wasn’t drunk, just buzzed.

“Why didn’t you tell me Jensen?” He asked as soon as Jensen had the door open.

“Tell you what, Jared?” Jensen asked confused. He thought that they were in a good place and hoped that this didn’t lead to another argument, especially when he was too tired to put up much of a fight.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the way that some of the crew were treating you because they don’t like the fact that you’re a Carrier?”

Jensen thought, oh, so that’s why.

“You could have told me instead of letting me spend time with people who thought that it was okay to trash you in my presence.”

“I thought that you knew Jared, that it just didn’t bother you.”

Jared narrowed his eyes and thinned his lips and Jensen knew that he was angry. Had he really read the situation so wrong? The past few weeks had been hell and Jensen didn’t trust his instincts any more.

“Is this about Chad, because I thought that we had settled that?”

“No, this is not about Chad; this is about you noticing things around you. The first time we argued the same guys chose your side and didn’t speak to me; this time however, even though we are on speaking terms, they continued to treat me like something to be wiped from the bottom of their feet. I thought that you were okay with it.”

Rubbing his eyes, Jared looked at Jensen, “I would never be okay with someone mistreating you. You can’t do that Jensen, hold things back from me. We’re supposed to be starting over here, but how can we if you hold something as big as this back from me; if you don’t trust me.”

“I’m trying here Jared, I really am. I mean what do you want me to say. That I love you and probably have since the day I met you? The reason that I stole that condom was because it hurt me to my goddamned soul at the thought that you didn’t want me, that I wanted some part of you to love. I’ve said I’m sorry and know it doesn’t change what I did, but I am Jared. I’m so fucking sorry and I love you so much that I’m willing to take whatever you’re willing to give me.”

Jared didn’t respond to Jensen’s impassioned reply and Jensen didn’t want to look up to see pity in those beautiful eyes, so he was surprised when he heard Jared close the small space between them and enfold Jensen in his arms.

“I’m sorry Jensen,” Jared whispered in the smaller man’s ear. “I thought that you knew that I forgave you, that I want nothing more than for you to come back home. I hate it there now because my heart is here. Every night I force myself not to grab my keys and come over here to be with you guys.”

“Jared?” 

“You really didn’t know did you? You should have, because I’m not totally innocent here; I need to beg you for forgiveness, because I hurt you as well. We’ve put the cart before the horse, but we can start fresh from here. I love you and you love me and right now that’s the only thing that matters.”

Stepping back from Jared, Jensen turned and looked up into the big man’s eyes and read the sincerity in them along with the love. Jared’s eyes were filled with a love so pure that Jensen knew that he’d forgiven the man.

“It took me a while but I understood where you were coming from; the hurt that made you blind to everything, including common sense on both our parts. I know that I’m not innocent in this, but I think that we’ve punished each other enough.”

To show Jared what he meant, Jensen stepped back into the circle of Jared’s arms and kissed him. It felt so damned good until he realized that Jared was stiff and not in the I want to fuck your brains out kind of way. Jensen wanted to be back where they were before Liam was born, he wanted those kisses and touches that held so much promise. Did he kill that? Did Jared no longer want that with him? Oh God, did he just want to be friends? Fearing the latter, Jensen moved to pull away.

“Jensen?” Jared asked as he tightened his arms, holding the blonde in place. “Is this for real, are you serious?” His words mimicking Jensen’s from months earlier.

Jensen was barely able to nod yes before Jared’s mouth was covering his. At first, the kiss was slow and sensuous, but soon it became dirty and needy. 

This was what he’d been wanting from Jared for years. He wanted the physical proof of Jared’s love and desire for him that he’d been giving away to strangers for years while Jensen stood on the sidelines and watched. Not tonight, or any other night from here on out because Jensen would make damned sure that Jared didn’t need to look elsewhere.

Jensen moaned in loss as Jared’s wicked lips left his and traveled down to Jensen’s jawline as his equally wicked hands began to undress Jensen giving his mouth new territory to explore.

“Liam,” Jensen remembered the baby in between kisses.

“Is asleep,” Jared, reminded him. “Let’s find the bed before he wakes. I love him, but right now his daddy is mine.”

Somehow they managed to make it to the bedroom with most of their clothing gone and better yet, not wake the baby.

Once inside the bedroom, they reluctantly pulled apart to remove their remaining clothing, and as soon as he was naked, Jensen jumped on the bed and watched Jared as he finished undressing. Lying there with his hands behind his head, Jensen took in the perfection that was Jared. The muscular arms, the abs that Jensen just wanted to lick and suddenly he compared his body to Jared’s and the comparison made him self-conscious about his post baby body.

He had worked hard to get the baby weight off, but he still wasn’t where he wanted to be physically. Now lying here naked under the light and Jared’s gaze Jensen searched for a way to hide those last few extra pounds that stubbornly refused to leave his body. He was trying to figure out how to place his hands on his body when he heard Jared say, “Beautiful.”

Jensen ducked his head and blushed at the compliment, of course, he still wanted to hide when Jared parted his legs, leaned forward, and began again the assault of kisses and touches making Jensen forget to be embarrassed.

A few seconds later, Jared had worked his way down to Jensen’s chest to pecs that were now small breasts that were tight and swollen with milk, Jared nuzzled them and flicking his pink tongue over a nipple and as though unable to resist, he latched on and began to suckle. As the milk began to trickle into Jared mouth, Jensen became so hard that his nipples weren’t the only thing leaking.

After Jared made his way down Jensen’s stomach to the writhing man’s dick, he licked a stripe from the angry purple leaking head to the root and back before swallowing him down in one fell swoop. He hummed when he heard the moan he pulled from his boyfriend.

The last time Jensen had sex with someone other than his right hand was with Chet all of those months ago. Even though the encounter left him sated, he’d been nowhere near as satisfied. The warm heat from Jared’s mouth that had him chasing an orgasm had him feeling better than being buried in the other man ever had.

“Jared…oh God,” were the only words that he was capable of forming because the younger man’s mouth robbed him of the ability to speak.

Even though he was lying on the bed with Jared, Jensen felt as though he was floating, so he reached up and buried both hands in Jared thick hair to ground himself. Once he no longer felt as though he was going to completely float off the bed, the hands in Jared’s hair now served to both hold on and to guide Jared and Jensen fucked deeper into Jared’s mouth and Jared just took it, his throat opening up with each thrust. 

“Jared, I’m gonna…” Jensen tried to warn, but the words wouldn’t come out of his pleasure-slackened mouth. He thought Jared understood because instead of pulling back he increased his speed and soon had Jensen spilling down his throat.

Even though it was Jared who’d had his breathing compromised, Jensen was the one left breathless, and he just lay there as Jared repositioned his lax legs as though he was a rag doll.

“So pretty Jensen,” Jared complemented as he worked his large fingers inside the fluttering hole to open Jensen up.

“That’s good enough Jared,” Jensen told him. “Been waiting years for this so don’t make me wait any longer.”

“Please,” He begged when Jared scissored two fingers inside him and was soon whining as Jared slowly withdrew those same fingers leaving Jensen suddenly feeling empty.

“You’re not the only one who has been waiting Jensen,” Jared told him as he climbed up his lover’s supine body. “I wasn’t trying to hurt Jensen, I was trying to make you jealous, make you notice me, but you never looked my way. It seemed that I was using the wrong bait.”

“I noticed, and heard every fucking single time, but I don’t have to worry about that any longer because I’ll be the only one you make moan and beg.” Jensen promised.

“I’ll moan and beg for you Jen.”

Jensen soon was reduced to said moans as Jared soon breeched that tight pink muscle, slowly easing inside and Jensen felt so full. He knew that it would be like this. As he felt Jared’s dick throbbing in time with his own heartbeat, he knew that they were supposed to be. Once he bottomed out, Jared’s strokes picked up speed and they were both coming with the other’s name on their lips.

As he drifted off to sleep in Jared’s arms Jensen knew that they still had problems that would have to be worked out if they were to have a future together and sex wasn’t going to fix that. Tomorrow they could begin the hard work on that, but right here, right now it was enough.


End file.
